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lyrics

We used to sail to the Shire, that's where we put ashore,
We used to sail to the Shire, we did but we don't anymore!
A lad there wanted tobacco, we had some of that on board,
Longbottom he wanted, my bottom he got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(Smoke MY pipe, Mr. Frodo?)

We used to sail to Gallifrey, that's where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Gallifrey, we did but we don't anymore,
A lady asked us for Time Lords, we had some of those on board,
A Time Lord she wanted, doctor we played
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(Ooo, moisturize ME, Doctor!)

We used to sail to Lannisport, that's where we put ashore
We used to sail to Lannisport, we did but we don't anymore
A lass there wanted a Lannister, we had some of that on board
Jamie she wanted, his hand she got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(A Lannister always pays his debts)

We used to sail to Ry'leh, that's where we put ashore,
We uses to sail to Ry'leh, we did but we don't anymore!
A lass there wanted an Elder Thing, we had some of those on board.
Cthulu, she wanted, a Deep One she got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(Ooo, tentacles!)

We used to sail to Ponyville, that's where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Ponyville, we did but we don't anymore,
A lass there wanted some friendship, we had some of that on board,
Friendship she wanted, magic she got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(The magic is the benefits!)

We used to sail to Agrabah, that’s where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Agrabah, we did but we don't anymore!
A princess wanted her freedom, we had some of those on board,
Whole new world she wanted, her carpet I rode!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(Genie, noo!)

We used to sail to Hyrule, that's where we put ashore
We used to sail to Hyrule, we did but we don't anymore
A princess wanted a relic, we had some of those on board,
The Triforce she wanted, a threesome she got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(It's dangerous to go alone. Take me!)

We used to sail to Asgard, that’s where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Asgard, we did but we don’t anymore!
A lass there wanted a demi god, we had some of those on board,
Loki she wanted, Thor's hammer she got!
That’s why we don’t sail there no more!
(The hammer was his penis!)

We used to sail to the Labyrinth, that's where we put ashore,
We used to sail to the Labyrinth, we did but we don't anymore,
A king there wanted a goblin, we had some of that on board,
A baby he needed, we tried all night!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(It isn't fair!)
(Juggling balls...)

We sailed to Mushroom Kingdom, that's where we put ashore (WHY?)
We sailed to Mushroom Kingdom, we did but we don't anymore
A princess wanted some plumbers, we had some of those on board
Plumbers, she wanted, I warped her pipe!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(My CHILDHOOD.)
(Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches...)

We used to sail with Starfleet before we put ashore
We used to sail with Starfleet, we did but we don’t anymore
Saber wanted an officer,
They had some of those on board
The Captain she wanted, his log she got!
That’s why we don’t sail there no more!
(Set warp drive for maximum thrust!)

We used to sail to Sunnydale, that’s where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Sunnydale, we did but we don't anymore
A vampire wanted a Slayer, we had some of those on board,
Buffy he wanted, Mr. Pointy he got!
That's why we don't sail there anymore!
(Mr. Pointy was her strap-on!)

We used to be the Maidens, we sailed to many shores,
We used to be the Maidens, we were but we're not anymore.
Our fans all wanted some music, we had some of that on board...

But don't worry, our music isn't going anywhere. You'll still find it online, We have great things going on, such as...

Rouge: Gaming for charity!
Lucky: Writing books!
Saber: Porn and adult services!
Flint: VTubing!

That's why we won't sail here no more!

credits

from So Long, and Thanks for All the Fucks — Live at Jammin' Java AUDIO ONLY, released October 6, 2023
Lyrics: Misbehavin' Maidens
Inspired by the Pyrates Royale version

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Misbehavin' Maidens Silver Spring, Maryland

"Funny, filthy, feminist, fandom folk" band comprised of four folks from the Washington, DC / Baltimore area with a love of sex-positive music, parodies, drinking & fandom references for 18+ geeks.

As of July 2023 we are no longer performing, but our music lives on. ... more

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