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about

The Misbehavin' Maidens are lewd lyrical lasses with tight chorals and loose morals: cosplayers singing nerdy and dirty songs!

In other words, this album is not for the children (unless you plan on making some while listening to it, in which case WE'RE NOT JUDGING YOU). Expect double entendres, single entendres, multiple entendres (Ha HA!), and the possibility of having your childhood ruined.

This debut album was made possible by our amazing fans and Kickstarter backers (www.kickstarter.com/projects/luckyannie/misbehavin-maidens-debut-album-full-of-nerdy-and-d), who we cannot thank enough.

credits

released August 15, 2015

The Misbehavin' Maidens are:
Caroline Boulden as Saber Tompson
Jennifer Burrell as Madam Rouge O'Malley
Erin Hamilton as Flint Locke
Annie Lynsen as "Lucky" Annie LeBlanc

Photography by Jeff Liott
Makeup by Rhea Smirlock
CD cover design by Annie Lynsen
Logo design by Tracy Rebelo

Recorded, mixed and mastered at Blue House Productions, Silver Spring, MD

Special thanks to Vince Evans, and big, sloppy kisses to our Kickstarter backers!

www.misbehavinmaidens.com
facebook.com/misbehavinmaidens
twitter.com/misbehavinmaids

Any unauthorized duplication is subject to applicable laws.
© 2015 Misbehavin' Maidens. All rights reserved.

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about

Misbehavin' Maidens Silver Spring, Maryland

Nerd folk comedy band comprised of four women from the Washington, DC / Baltimore area with a love of sex-positive music, parodies, drinking & fandom references for 18+ geeks. 3rd album, "Swearing is Caring," now available!

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Track Name: Twiddles
Oh you hear a lot of stories 'bout the sailors and their sport
About how every sailor has a girl in every port
But if you added 2 and 2 you'd figure out right quick
It's just because the girls all have a lad on every ship

[Chorus]
And it's Twiddle ee ai dee ai dee ai
Twiddle ee ai dee ei
It's often times a man will leave you broken with dismay
And it's Twiddle ee ai dee ai dee ai
Twiddle ee ai dee ei
There's other things to twiddle when the men have sailed away

Lucky Annie was a lady who'd been pleased by many men
They all would sail away but then they'd come right back again
But if they never sailed her way she really didn't care
Cause I know that you don't need a man to twiddle under there

[Chorus]

Saber had her lovers, they came in at every door
You could even say that she was really quite a whore
But when she needs some pleasing, she knows just where to go
I grab my good friend Madam Rouge and we go down below

[Chorus]

There was a time when Rouge she found the sailor men a bore
Each new one was more tiresome than the one she had before
Now she finds more joy in breeches than she ever did of old
I'm more fond of their bulges when they're pouches full of gold

[Chorus]

Why the boys would look at her, it puzzled poor Flint Locke
She would sit and smile and nod and let them brag and talk
But if they tried to touch her well she'd put them on the run
Cause why would I need a lover when I've got myself a gun

[Chorus]

So next time you're with a lady and she takes you to her bed
Be sure to please her well, and remember what we've said
For if you do not treat her right then know that this is true
Us ladies all can have our fun without involving you

[Chorus x 2]
Track Name: Paddy Murphy
Oh, the night that Paddy Murphy died is a night I'll never forget
Some of the boys got loaded drunk and they ain't got sober yet
As long as a bottle was passed around, everyone was feelin' gay
O'Leary came with the bagpipes, some music for to play!

Chorus:
That's how they showed their respect for Paddy Murphy
That's how they showed their honor and their pride
They said it was a sin and shame, and they winked at one another
And every drink in the place was full the night Pat Murphy died!

Mrs. Murphy sat in a corner, pourin' out her grief
When Kelly and his gang came a-tearin' down the street
They went into an empty room and a bottle of whiskey stole
And put that bottle with the corpse to keep that whiskey cold!

[Chorus]

Well, everyone started drinkin', they didn't worry for a prayer
Mrs. Murphy said she'd wait 'till everyone was there
If e'er a sight I ever did see that made me shiver with fear
They took the ice right off the corpse and placed it with the beer!

[Chorus]

A fight broke out, 'twas fierce and strong, and everyone was in
Someone knocked the whiskers right off poor old Darby Flynn
And Dirty Andy Burke was there, now whaddaya think he'd done?
He put the corpse right on its head in the corner just for fun!

[Chorus]

Then Mrs. Murphy started in and battled with the cops
She chased 'em, every one of them, she chased 'em several blocks
A lovely time was had by all, 18 in court were tried
For having caused a riot on the night Pat Murphy died!

[Chorus]

Then someone asked old Finnegan if anyone had died
"Well," says he, "I'm not quite sure. I just came for the ride!"
They headed for the graveyard, all holy and sublime
And found out when they'd got there they'd left the corpse behind!

[Chorus x2]
Track Name: London Town
Chorus:
I used to work in London Town, in a merchant store
I thought I did a pretty good job, but I don't work there anymore
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum
I used to work in London Town, in a merchant store
I thought I did a pretty good job, but I don't work there anymore
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

A lass came in for a drink one day
I asked her what kind she preferred
"Liquor," she said, so lick her I did
And now I don't work there anymore
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

[Chorus]

A pirate came in for some treasure one day
I asked him what kind he preferred
"Booty!" he said. So booty he got
And now I don't work there anymore
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

[Chorus]

A man came in for some paint one day
I asked him what kind he preferred
"Blue," he said, so blew him I did
And now I don't work there anymore
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

[Chorus]

A lass came in for some poultry one day
I asked her what kind she preferred
"A duck!" she said. ...I misheard
And now I don't work there anymore
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

[Chorus]

A lass came in for some whiskey one day
I asked her how much she preferred
"A finger," she said. My whole hand she got!
And now I don't work there anymore
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

[Chorus]

A man came in for some pie one day
I asked him what kind he preferred
"Cherry," he said. Well, that was long gone...
And now I don't work there anymore
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

[Chorus]

A lass came in for some tools one day
I asked her what kind she preferred
"A hammer," she said, so nail her I did!
And now I don't work there anymore
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

[Chorus]

A man came in for a drink one day
I asked him what kind he preferred
"Lipton," he said. A teabag he got!
And now I don't work there anymore
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

[Chorus]

A lass came in for some fish one day
We asked her what kind she preferred
"Grouper," she said, so group her we did!
And now I don't work there anymore
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

[Chorus]
Track Name: A-Rovin'
In Amsterdam there lived a lad
Mark well what I do say!
In Amsterdam there lived a lad
He claims to be the best I had
I'll go no more a rovin' with you, dear lad

Chorus:
A-rovin', a-rovin'
Since rovin's been my ru-i-in
I'll go no more a-rovin' with you dear lad!

This lad he took me for a walk
Mark well what I do say!
I thought it was to only talk
I'll go no more a rovin' with you, dear lad

[Chorus]

He took my hand inside his own
Mark well what I do say!
He said "Fear not, we're quite alone"
I'll go no more a rovin' with you, dear lad

Chorus

I placed my lips upon his cheek
Mark well what I do say!
He said "Down south is what you seek"
I'll go no more a rovin' with you, dear lad

Chorus
I placed my hand upon his chest
Mark well what I do say!
He said "You'll see I am the best"
I'll go no more a rovin' with you, dear lad

Chorus

I placed my hand upon his waist
Mark well what I do say!
He said "Dear lass I'm in great haste"
I'll go no more a rovin' with you, dear lad

Chorus

I placed my hand upon his leg
Mark well what I do say!
He said "Go on, don't make me beg"
I'll go no more a rovin' with you, dear lad

Chorus

I placed my hand upon his shaft
Mark well what I do say!
And then I laughed and laughed and laughed
I'll go no more a rovin' with you, dear lad

A-rovin', a-rovin'
Since rovin's been my ru-i-in
I'll go no more a-rovin' with you, wee lad!
Track Name: I'll Drink to That!
Chorus:
When life gives you comedy or tragedy
We’ll tap another vat,
Raise your voice with mine and say
“I’ll drink to that!”

(BEER!)
Now if you’re like most of us raised around here,
Then you must have started your drinking with beer,
We learned how to flirt with the lads at the bar,
And to sing out a toast for all friends near and far!

[Chorus]

(CIDER!)
When burning desire has got you quite vexed,
When need for a partner has left you perplexed,
Just grab a fine cider and ring your own bell,
The use of your own hand will satisfy well!

[Chorus]

(RUM!)
The young men all eager to do what they should,
If they could just do more than just only look good,
Let rum’s sweet elixir distract from your plight,
At least a good bottle might last through the night!

[Chorus]

(VODKA!)
Now vodka’s the best thing for mending a heart,
Just open a bottle and toast your new start,
If a second reminds you of his shortcomings,
Then open a third one and BURN ALL HIS THINGS!

[Chorus]

(WHISKEY!)
Now whiskey’s the best choice for sending off kin,
For toasting their stories of virtue and sin,
We’ll drink, laugh and weep ‘til we’re all good and tight
And if it’s a good wake it’ll end in a fight!

[Chorus]

(ABSINTHE!)
With absinthe the party did take a sharp turn,
You fought with green fairies, woke up in a fern,
But all will be well if you clean up the mess,
Just get rid of the corpse in the Tinkerbell dress!

[Chorus]

(LAST CALL!)

[Chorus]
Track Name: Fall River Hoedown
Yesterday in old Fall River, Mr. Andrew Borden died
And he got his daughter Lizzie on a charge of homicide.
Some folks say she didn't do it, and others say she did
But they all agree Miss Lizzie B. was a problem sort of kid

'Cause you can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
Not even if it's planned as a surprise
No you can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
You know how neighbors love to criticize.

She got him on the sofa where he'd gone to take a snooze
And I hope he went to heaven' cause he wasn't wearing shoes
Lizzie kind of rearranged him with a hatchet, so they say
And then she got her mother in that same old-fashioned way,

But you can't can't chop your momma up in Massachusetts
Not even if you're tired of her cuisine
No, you can't chop your momma up in Massachusetts
You know it's almost sure to cause a scene.

Well, they really kept her hoppin' on that busy afternoon
With both down and upstairs chopping while she hummed a ragtime tune:
They really made her hustle and when all was said and done
She'd removed her mother's bustle when she wasn't wearing one.

Oh you can't chop your momma up in Massachusetts
And then blame all the damage on the mice,
No you can't chop your momma up in Massachusetts
That kind of thing just isn't very nice.

Now, It wasn't done for pleasure and it wasn't done for spite
And it wasn't done because the lady wasn't very bright,
She'd always done the slightest thing that mom and dad had bid
They said, "Lizzie cut it out! " so that's exactly what she did.

But you can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
And then get dressed and go out for a walk,
No, you can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
Massachusetts is a far cry from New York.

You can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts---
Shut the door, lock and latch it
Here comes Lizzie with a brand new hatchet!
You can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts---
Such a snob, I heard it said,
She met her pa and cut him dead!
You can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts---
Jump like a fish, jump like a porpoise
All join in in a habeas corpus!
No, you can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts---
Massachusetts is a far cry from New York!
Track Name: Granny's Advice
I’ll tell you of my Granny dear, all warm and sweet and fair
With sparkling eyes like diamonds, and silv’ry locks of hair
But underneath her sweetness, she hid a vixen’s heart
And so it was, from time to time, her wisdom she’d impart

When I was but a little girl, my granny came to me
She taught me ‘bout the spot between my stomach and my knee
She told me where to touch and said to practice every night
'Cuz no man on earth would ever take the time to do it right!

Our Granny was so nice, she knew just what to do
She gave us good advice ‘bout the man in her canoe
By the time that I was eight I knew just how to masturbate
She’s our Granny, we’ll always love her so

Now cleanin’ was a chore that seemed to always take all day
I rushed to finish up the job and rub the dust away
While wiping down some bottles, my Granny gave a sigh,
Said, “If you stroke your man like that, you’ll get it in your eye.”

Our Granny was so nice, knew how to do the job
She gave us good advice, loved to polish up that knob
She said, “Lass, just scrub it in, because it’s lovely for your skin.”
She’s our Granny, and we’ll always love her so.

To say I was a chatterbox would only be too kind
The talkin’ caused the boys to run and leave me far behind,
But Granny told me, “Dearest girl, men find you such a bore,
Cuz talkin’ isn’t what you should be usin’ your mouth for.”

Our Granny was so nice, that woman was a tease,
She gave us good advice, bent down right down on her knees.
“My reputation’s growin’ from the men that I’ve been blowin’”
She’s our Granny, and we’ll always love her so.

The evenin’ of my wedding day, I ran up with surprise
When my husband dropped his trousers and showed his ample size
I went and told my Granny dear just why I had to run
“Get out’ the way, my dear,” she said, “I’ll show ya how it’s done.”

Our Granny is so nice, she’s the woman we adore,
She gave us good advice, but my god, she’s such a whore!
Her husbands often left ‘cause Granny screwed ‘em half to death.
But she’s our Granny, and we’ll always love her so.

And then there came the day when Granny fell so deathly ill,
She pulled us very close, her final wisdom to instill
And with what was her final breath, she whispered with a groan...
“To keep your sweet and true, give him another hole to bone.”

(Spoken) That costs extra.
(Spoken) But not with me!

Our Granny was so nice, she’d teach old dogs new tricks,
She gave us good advice, such as where to hide their sticks
Our Granny never ‘waried about whether folks got married
She’s our Granny, and we’ll always love her so.
Yes, She’s our Granny, and we’ll always love her so.
Track Name: Roll Me Over
Well, this is number one,
And we've only has just begun,
Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again.

Chorus:
Roll me over in the clover,
Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again.

Well, this is number two,
If he can cough up a dubloon,
Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again.

[Chorus]

Well, this is number three,
But with his lass I'd rather be,
Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again.

[Chorus]

Well, this is number four,
I'm gonna ride ya 'till you're sore!
Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again.

[Chorus]

Well, this is number five,
And I'm surprised he's still alive,
Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again.

[Chorus]

Well, this is number six,
And I taught him all new tricks,
Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again.

[Chorus]

Well, this is number seven,
And she sent me straight to heaven,
Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again.

[Chorus]

Well, this is number eight,
I'll just go home and masturbate,
Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again.

[Chorus]

Well, this is number nine,
And yes, the baby's doing fine (thanks for asking),
Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again.

[Chorus]

Well, this is ten through twelve,
And you can all go fuck yourselves!
Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again.

[Chorus]
Track Name: Bedlam Boys
For to see Mad Tom of Bedlam, ten thousand miles I'd travel
Mad Maudlin goes on dirty toes, for to save her shoes from gravel.

Chorus:
Still I sing bonny boys, bonny mad boys,
Bedlam boys are bonny,
For they all go bare and they live by the air,
And they want no drink nor money.

I went down to Satan's kitchen, for to beg me food one morning
And there I got souls pipin’ hot, all on the spit a-turnin’.

[Chorus]

There I picked up a cauldron, where boiled ten thousand harlots
Though full of flame I drank the same, to the health of all such varlets.

[Chorus]

My staff has murdered giants, my bag a long knife carries
For to cut mince pies out of children's thighs, and feed them to the fairies.

[Chorus]

It's when next I have murdered, the Man-In-The-Moon to powder
His staff I'll break and his dog I'll bake, there'll howl no demon louder.

[Chorus]

So drink to Tom of Bedlam, he'll fill the seas in barrels
I'll drink it all, all brewed with gall, with Mad Maudlin I’ll travel.

[Chorus x2, as a round]
Track Name: Strike the Belle
Down on the quarterdeck and walkin’ about
There is a second mate so steady and so stout
Dreamin’ of his Madame Rouge, the girl he loves so well
And wishin’ he could go ashore and strike, strike the bell

Chorus:
Strike the bell, second mate, and let us go below
If you play your cards right, you’ll leave us all aglow
You haven’t done yer duty ‘till you’ve made a Maiden yell (Oh Goddd!)
We wish that you would hurry up and strike, strike the bell!

Aft at the wheelhouse, the cabin boy stands
Annie and Saber warm in his hands
If he fails to please them, they’ll send him straight to hell
So if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll strike, strike the bell

[Chorus]

Forward, on the forecastle, and on his hands and knees
A sailor lies with Lucky, tryin’ hard to please
Flint, she looks upon them, the tale to retell
And makin’ sure the sailor boy, he strikes, strikes the bell

[Chorus]

Down in the Captain’s quarters, and drinkin’ down his wine
Our Rouge has got him tied up with a ball of twine
When she’s finally pleased, she’ll do Saber for a spell
Cuz sometimes you don’t need a man to strike, strike the bell

[Chorus x 2]
Track Name: Cathouse Tragedy
Come on in, right on in, to our temple of sin!
Sensual and sublime
With multiple versions of every perversion
And women of every kind
If you're a fellow who likes a Bordello
With something off for a change
For 2 dollars more you can have a dead whore
We specialize in the strange

If you get lucky this evening
And one takes you out for a whirl!
Might I suggest you look under the dress?
Cause we can't tell the boys from the girls here!
Tragedy! At the cathouse tonight!
Come and see why we like to call our cathouse tragedy!
What a curious sight!
Our female selection is not quite perfection
It's like biting into a bitter confection!
At Cathouse Tragedy

There's an Asian Albino, and as far as I know
She has a prosthetic eye
And if you approve it she'll gladly remove it
If you tire of her thighs
Dont be alarmed by the girl with no arms
She's actually quite a treat
And if you wanna she'll peel your banana
She's bloody good with her feet!

If you get lucky this evening!
And one takes you out for a spin!
I'd be suggesting a lamby intestine
You dont know where these girls have been! Oh!
Tragedy! At the cathouse tonight!
Come and see why we like to call our cathouse tragedy!
It's a curious sight!
Our female collection is not quite perfection
It's like biting into a bitter confection!
At Cathouse Tragedy

Come on in to the cathouse! We have pussies of every kind!
We have black, white and yellow, and red ones!
And only one or two are feline!
I'm your benevolent madam
And I'm here to make sure they behave!
Sure they smell like cheese
And they're full of disease
But just think of the money you'll save!

Tragedy! At the cathouse tonight!
Come and see why we like to call our cathouse tragedy!
It's a curious sight!
Our female collection is not quite perfection
It's like biting into a bitter confection!
At Cathouse Tragedy
At the Cathouse Tragedy!
Track Name: Don't Sail There No More
We used to sail to Hogwarts, that’s where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Hogwarts, we did but we don’t anymore,
A lass there wanted some magic, we had some of that on board,
Magic, she wanted? My wand she got!
That’s why we don’t sail there no more!
(Master gave Dobby a cock sock. Dobby is freeee!)

We used to sail to Gallifrey, that's where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Gallifrey, we did but we don't anymore,
A lady asked us for Time Lords, we had some of those on board,
A Time Lord she wanted, doctor we played
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(Ooo, moisturize ME, Doctor!)

We used to sail to Winterfell, that's where we put ashore
We used to sail to Winterfell, we did but we don't anymore
A lass there wanted some winter, we had some of that on board
Winter she wanted, coming she got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(You know nothing, John Snow!)

We used to sail to Ry'leh, that's where we put ashore,
We uses to sail to Ry'leh, we did but we don't anymore!
A lass there wanted an Elder Thing, we had some of those on board.
Cthulu, she wanted, a Deep One she got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(Ooo, tentacles!)

We used to sail to the Shire, that's where we put ashore,
We used to sail to the Shire, we did but we don't anymore!
A lad there wanted tobacco, we had some of that on board,
Longbottom he wanted, my bottom he got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(Smoke MY pipe, Mr. Frodo?)

We used to sail to Panem, that’s where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Panem, we did but we don't anymore!
A tribute asked us for sponsors, we had some of those on board,
Odds, he wanted, my favor he got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(I volunteer as tribute!)

We used to sail to Hyrule, that's where we put ashore
We used to sail to Hyrule, we did but we don't anymore
A princess wanted a relic, we had some of those on board,
The Triforce she wanted, a threesome she got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(It's dangerous to go alone. Take meee!)

We used to sail to Asgard, that’s where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Asgard, we did but we don’t anymore!
A lass there wanted a demi god, we had some of those on board,
Loki she wanted, Thor's hammer she got!
That’s why we don’t sail there no more!
(The hammer was his penis!)

We used to sail to Ponyville, that's where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Ponyville, we did but we don't anymore,
A lass there wanted some friendship, we had some of that on board,
Friendship she wanted, magic she got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(Princess Molestia, am I right?)

We sailed to Mushroom Kingdom, that's where we put ashore
We sailed to Mushroom Kingdom, we did but we don't anymore
A princess wanted some plumbers, we had some of those on board
Plumbers, she wanted, I warped her pipe!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(My CHILDHOOD.)

We used to sail to Sunnydale, that’s where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Sunnydale, we did but we don't anymore
A vampire wanted a Slayer, we had some of those on board,
Buffy he wanted, Mr. Pointy he got!
That's why we don't sail there anymore!

We used to sail to the studio, that's where we put ashore,
We used to sail to the studio, we did but we don't anymore,
Our fans all wanted some music, we had some of that on board,
Money they gave us, we took it and ran!
That's why we won't sail there no more!

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