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1. |
Twiddles
03:11
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Oh you hear a lot of stories 'bout the sailors and their sport
About how every sailor has a girl in every port
But if you added 2 and 2 you'd figure out right quick
It's just because the girls all have a lad on every ship
[Chorus]
And it's Twiddle ee ai dee ai dee ai
Twiddle ee ai dee ei
It's often times a man will leave you broken with dismay
And it's Twiddle ee ai dee ai dee ai
Twiddle ee ai dee ei
There's other things to twiddle when the men have sailed away
Lucky Annie was a lady who'd been pleased by many men
They all would sail away but then they'd come right back again
But if they never sailed her way she really didn't care
Cause I know that you don't need a man to twiddle under there
[Chorus]
Saber had her lovers, they came in at every door
You could even say that she was really quite a whore
But when she needs some pleasing, she knows just where to go
I grab my good friend Madam Rouge and we go down below
[Chorus]
There was a time when Rouge she found the sailor men a bore
Each new one was more tiresome than the one she had before
Now she finds more joy in breeches than she ever did of old
I'm more fond of their bulges when they're pouches full of gold
[Chorus]
Why the boys would look at her, it puzzled poor Flint Locke
She would sit and smile and nod and let them brag and talk
But if they tried to touch her well she'd put them on the run
Cause why would I need a lover when I've got myself a gun
[Chorus]
So next time you're with a lady and she takes you to her bed
Be sure to please her well, and remember what we've said
For if you do not treat her right then know that this is true
Us ladies all can have our fun without involving you
[Chorus x 2]
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2. |
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I think you’re really cute
And nice and funny
We’ve got a lot in common
And that’s just cool
We’re not real close
We’re far from besties
But if I didn’t tell you thisI’d be a fool
Chorus:
I want to make out with you at cons
Don’t wanna be your girlfriend
Don’t wanna date
Just wanna make out with you
When it’s convenient
When we’re cosplaying
You look so good
When you’re all dressed up
You’re giving me needs
That I just can’t shake
I like it when you’re
In character
So I’ve got a little
Proposition to make
[Chorus]
You don’t live close enough
For us to date
And I’ve got too many
Things on my plate
But still you’re really cute
Did I mention that?
We’ve got a good rapport
And I’d like to state...
[Chorus]
BRIDGE (spoken):
I’d almost worked up the courage to ask you
And then my heart just broke
Because your Facebook status changed
To “In a Relationship”
And I don’t think you’re polyamorous
(Like I am)
So after some thorough soul-searching
And after some tears
And more than a few margaritas
And a couple of tequila shots
And many, many episodes of “Gilmore Girls” on Netflix…
Even season 7, with Logan, what was even happening there?
Anyway...
I came to the conclusion there’s only
One thing I can do.
Find somebody else.
...How YOU doin’?
[Chorus x2]
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3. |
Pillowtalk
03:36
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We just finished fucking each other,
It was pretty good, not great,
We matched on a phone application,
You said you weren't looking to date
Now we’re lying naked, in the bed,
And our silence fills the air,
You turn your head towards me
As you reach to touch my hair…
“I can’t wait for my partner to meet you,”
You casually say with a grin,
My mouth drops open, my eyes open wide,
Don’t even know where to begin
You haven’t told me about them before now,
Or bothered to give them a mention,
Pillowtalk’s not the appropriate time
To give it your fucking attention!
We’ve gone on a couple of dates before now,
And somehow the moment is right,
I go back with you to your bedroom,
And we screw all through the night,
I wake up refreshed the next morning,
“Oh good, you’re up!” you croon,
I brace myself, and hold my breath,
Don’t want to judge too soon…
“Do you think you could back my Kickstarter?
Just 3,000 dollars to go!”
I can’t palm my face any harder,
This is shit you should already know!
You haven’t told me about it before now,
Or bothered to give it a mention,
Pillowtalk’s not the appropriate time
To give it your fucking attention!
When you invited me to your orgy,
I figured “Okay, what the hell?”
The group was all super attractive,
And I’d had a bit of a dry spell,
I should have suspected that something was off,
Or at least all was not as should be,
After several embraces, I found several faces
All peering down at me
“I hope that you’re not too allergic,
That’s the pillow where my cat sleeps.”
“Let me now tell you all about Jesus,
You must know that he loves you heaps!”
“Lay back and try to get comfortable now,
I’m sensing some hesitation…
But you’ll want to get the best angle
For my Powerpoint presentatioooooon~!”
So if you’re taking somebody home,
Or to your hotel bed,
Consider your thoughts oh-so-carefully,
And beware of what is said,
Do not break some new information
While you’re basking in the glow,
Don’t criticize, or proselytize,
Or tell them about your shoooow~!
We’re not saying ‘withhold information’,
Just tell them before you both screw,
There’s too many chemicals after sex,
To agree with or say no to you,
If you haven’t told them about it before now,
As we may have already mentioned,
Pillowtalk’s not the appropriate time
To give it your fucking attention!
No, Pillowtalk’s not the appropriate time
To give it your fucking attention!
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4. |
Alphabet Song
03:50
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Chorus:
Merrily, merrily
So merry are we
Let's do together what comes naturally
We've got lots of fun positions to try
And don't be afraid to let your freak flag fly!
Well, A is for Anal, let's start from behind
While B is for Ben-wah, my kegels to mind
C for Clitoris, you mustn't neglect
While D is for Dildo to help ya get wrecked!
E is for Eyesight, so fun to blindfold
F is for Flogger, now do as you're told!
G's for the G-spot, not that hard to find
While H is for Head, if you'd be so kind!
[Chorus]
I is for Intercourse, hope ya don't lack
J's for the junk in the front or the back
K is for Kinky, there's all kinds to choose
While L is for Lube, which you always must use!
M is for Masturbate, learn to self-please
N is for Nipples, to pinch and to squeeze
O is for Orgasm, oh-oh-good Lord!
P's for the Prostate, so often ignored!
[Chorus]
Q are for Quickies, fun once in awhile
R is for rope tied in Shibari-style
S is for Stroker to pleasure your cock
T is for Tens Unit, to give a shock!
U is for Undies in satin or lace,
V for Vibration - it isn't a race
W for Wand to use on your crotch
X is the rating on the films that I watch!
[Chorus]
Y is for Yearning your lover creates
Z for their Zeal - your hunger it sates...
Z's also for Zipper, try not to get stuck
And now I have sung you some new ways to fuck!
[Chorus x2]
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5. |
Mermaids and Queers
02:39
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Chorus:
Mermaids and Sirens sing songs from the deep
To dash men on rocks, or to put them to sleep
What do they do with all the rest? The straight gals and the queers?
Do Sirens change their music when it falls on deaf ears?
Straight gals and gay guys aren't into topless broads
They barely even notice them swimming in their pods
Mermaids call for backup when it doesn't go to plan
Those lads and lasses can't deny a rugged Aquaman!
Chorus
Aces and Greys hardly give mermaids a thought
They hear the siren's tempting song and just say "Could you not?"
But those fishymaids have found a way! No one can catch a break!
They know not even Aces can resist delicious cake!
Chorus
Demisexuals all like to think they're in the clear
They listen to the Sirens’ song without a spot of fear
They make pals with the Mermaids that follow them around
Their friendship blossoms into more, and oops they all are drowned!
Chorus
Mermaids and Sirens are just like you and me
They're all over the spectrum of sexuality
There's only one little thing that’s certainly assumed
Lesbians, Pansexuals and Bis are always doomed!
Mermaids and Sirens sing songs from the deep
To dash folx on rocks, or to put them to sleep
It doesn't matter who you are, or how you play the game
They'll eat all of the Rainbow, 'cuz our meat all tastes the same!
Yes, they they'll eat all of the Rainbow, 'cuz our meat all tastes the same!
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6. |
Don't Sail There No More
04:06
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We used to sail to Hogwarts, that’s where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Hogwarts, we did but we don’t anymore,
A lass there wanted some magic, we had some of that on board,
Magic, she wanted? My wand she got!
That’s why we don’t sail there no more!
(Master gave Dobby a cock sock. Dobby is freeee!)
We used to sail to Gallifrey, that's where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Gallifrey, we did but we don't anymore,
A lady asked us for Time Lords, we had some of those on board,
A Time Lord she wanted, doctor we played
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(Ooo, moisturize ME, Doctor!)
We used to sail to Winterfell, that's where we put ashore
We used to sail to Winterfell, we did but we don't anymore
A lass there wanted some winter, we had some of that on board
Winter she wanted, coming she got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(You know nothing, John Snow!)
We used to sail to Ry'leh, that's where we put ashore,
We uses to sail to Ry'leh, we did but we don't anymore!
A lass there wanted an Elder Thing, we had some of those on board.
Cthulu, she wanted, a Deep One she got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(Ooo, tentacles!)
We used to sail to the Shire, that's where we put ashore,
We used to sail to the Shire, we did but we don't anymore!
A lad there wanted tobacco, we had some of that on board,
Longbottom he wanted, my bottom he got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(Smoke MY pipe, Mr. Frodo?)
We used to sail to Panem, that’s where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Panem, we did but we don't anymore!
A tribute asked us for sponsors, we had some of those on board,
Odds, he wanted, my favor he got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(I volunteer as tribute!)
We used to sail to Hyrule, that's where we put ashore
We used to sail to Hyrule, we did but we don't anymore
A princess wanted a relic, we had some of those on board,
The Triforce she wanted, a threesome she got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(It's dangerous to go alone. Take meee!)
We used to sail to Asgard, that’s where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Asgard, we did but we don’t anymore!
A lass there wanted a demi god, we had some of those on board,
Loki she wanted, Thor's hammer she got!
That’s why we don’t sail there no more!
(The hammer was his penis!)
We used to sail to Ponyville, that's where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Ponyville, we did but we don't anymore,
A lass there wanted some friendship, we had some of that on board,
Friendship she wanted, magic she got!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(Princess Molestia, am I right?)
We sailed to Mushroom Kingdom, that's where we put ashore
We sailed to Mushroom Kingdom, we did but we don't anymore
A princess wanted some plumbers, we had some of those on board
Plumbers, she wanted, I warped her pipe!
That's why we don't sail there no more!
(My CHILDHOOD.)
We used to sail with Starfleet before we put ashore
We used to sail with Starfleet, we did but we don’t anymore
Saber wanted an officer,
They had some of those on board
The Captain she wanted, his log she got!
That’s why we don’t sail there no more! (Set warp drive for maximum thrust!)
We used to sail to Sunnydale, that’s where we put ashore,
We used to sail to Sunnydale, we did but we don't anymore
A vampire wanted a Slayer, we had some of those on board,
Buffy he wanted, Mr. Pointy he got!
That's why we don't sail there anymore!
We used to sail to the studio, that's where we put ashore,
We used to sail to the studio, we did but we don't anymore,
Our fans all wanted some music, we had some of that on board,
Money they gave us, we took it and ran!
That's why we won't sail there no more!
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Misbehavin' Maidens Silver Spring, Maryland
"Funny, filthy, feminist, fandom folk" band comprised of four folks from the Washington, DC / Baltimore area with a love of
sex-positive music, parodies, drinking & fandom references for 18+ geeks.
As of July 2023 we are no longer performing, but our music lives on.
... more
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