Sloppy Seconds

by Misbehavin' Maidens

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1.
CONsent 01:04
If you want to take a picture, get consent If you want to take a picture, get consent If you want to take a picture, they're a person, not a fixture, If you want to take a picture, get consent If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent If you want to touch their cosplay, and don't want to cause them dismay, If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent If you want a big embrace, get consent If you want a big embrace, get consent If you want a big embrace, there's a way to close the space, If you want a big embrace, get consent And if they still say no, back away If they still say no, that's ok If they decline your advance, it's their body, not your chance If they still say no, just GO AWAY
2.
Pump Away 03:35
Well, I gave him favors one, favors one (favors one) I gave him favors one, favors one (favors one) I gave him favors one, it turned out to be quite fun! Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away Well, I gave him favors two, favors two (favors two) I gave him favors two, favors two (favors two) Well, I gave him favors two, 'cuz his balls were turning blue! Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away Well, I gave him favors three, favors three (favors three) Well, I gave him favors three, favors three (favors three) Well, I gave him favors three, but his piece I couldn’t see Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away Well, I gave him favors four, favors four (favors four) Well, I gave him favors four, favors four (favors four) Well, I gave him favors four, now he's stuck there on the floor! Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away Well, I gave him favors five, favors five (favors five) Well, I gave him favors five, favors five (favors five) Well, I gave him favors five and I really hope that was a hive! Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away Well, I gave him favors six, favors six (favors six) Well, I gave him favors six, favors six (favors six) Well, I gave him favors six and I taught him all new tricks Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away Well, I gave him favors seven, favors seven (favors seven) Well, I gave him favors seven, favors seven (favors seven) Well, I gave him favors seven, and we turned it to eleven! Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away Well, I gave him favors eight, favors eight (favors eight) Well, I gave him favors eight, favors eight (favors eight) Well, I gave him favors eight, and then I made him clean his plate! Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away Well, I gave him favors nine, favors nine (favors nine) Well, I gave him favors nine, favors nine (favors nine) Well, I gave him favors nine, 'cuz his ass, it was divine! Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away Well, we gave them favors ten, favors ten (favors ten) Well, we gave them favors ten, favors ten (favors ten) Well, we gave them favors ten...and now we need new men! Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away Put your shoulder next to mine and pump awa
3.
I think you’re really cute And nice and funny We’ve got a lot in common And that’s just cool We’re not real close We’re far from besties But if I didn’t tell you thisI’d be a fool Chorus: I want to make out with you at cons Don’t wanna be your girlfriend Don’t wanna date Just wanna make out with you When it’s convenient When we’re cosplaying You look so good When you’re all dressed up You’re giving me needs That I just can’t shake I like it when you’re In character So I’ve got a little Proposition to make [Chorus] You don’t live close enough For us to date And I’ve got too many Things on my plate But still you’re really cute Did I mention that? We’ve got a good rapport And I’d like to state... [Chorus] BRIDGE (spoken): I’d almost worked up the courage to ask you And then my heart just broke Because your Facebook status changed To “In a Relationship” And I don’t think you’re polyamorous (Like I am) So after some thorough soul-searching And after some tears And more than a few margaritas And a couple of tequila shots And many, many episodes of “Gilmore Girls” on Netflix… Even season 7, with Logan, what was even happening there? Anyway... I came to the conclusion there’s only One thing I can do. Find somebody else. ...How YOU doin’? [Chorus x2]
4.
Well I’ll tell you a story, a tale of great deeds About a young pirate who sailed on the seas He robbed from the rich, and he gave to himself But in the books he never ranked high on the shelf For he’s Rummer, the Rum Runner, The best pirate in all of the seas It’s a bummer he ain’t getting younger Seems life was his only disease When he went out sailing one thing was for sure Trouble was always a-plenty in store For Rummer he never backed down from a fight At the edge of a sword, or a bar wench at night And he’s Rummer, the Rum Runner, The best pirate in all of the seas It’s a bummer he ain’t getting younger Seems life was his only disease ...and scurvy He met up with a maiden who said she was pure For five copper farthings and Rummer said sure And when he was done on his face he looked pleased But from then after that, it burns when he pees For he’s Rummer, the Rum Runner, The best pirate in all of the seas It’s a bummer he ain’t getting younger Seems life was his only disease ...and scurvy and syphilis Now poor Rummer upset from the burn Went to the hospital and waited his turn And while he was there he was prodded and stuck Then the doctor looked up and said ‘My boy, you’re….in trouble’ And he’s Rummer, the Rum Runner, The best pirate in all of the seas It’s a bummer he ain’t getting younger Seems life was his only disease ...and scurvy and syphilis and tetanus Now our dear captain, amused then ashamed Went on a quest for his pride to reclaim He went on a bender the likes none had seen And when he was done, all knew where he’d been For he’s Rummer, the Rum Runner, The best pirate in all of the seas It’s a bummer he ain’t getting younger Seems life was his only disease ...and scurvy and syphilis and tetanus and cirrhosis of the liver Well this is the end, there isn’t much more For after the bender our captain was poor He met up with that maiden, who said ‘This time it’s free!’ And that was the end of his lecherous spree And he’s Rummer, the Rum Runner, The best pirate in all of the seas It’s a bummer he ain’t getting younger Seems life was his only disease ...and scurvy and syphilis and tetanus Cirrhosis, the clap and chlamydia The herpes, the drip The hepatitis A, B and C And the dysentery! It’s a bummer he ain’t getting younger Seems life was his only disease
5.
This song's about a ship, they say I see it in a different way When certain lads come out to play It's how the girls describe their lay Chorus: Pump her boys, you're pumping her dry Down to hell and up to the sky Bend your backs and break your bones You're just a thousand miles from home "I'm great at oral," is the boast "I always give it my utmost." "Prove it," is my quick riposte It lasts a minute, at the most [Chorus] As soon as stiffness starts to show They whip it out, all rarin' to go Can't tell them pleasure builds up slow They start before the juices flow [Chorus] Some lads, they like a tighter fit They think it should feel like their mitt They thrust it back and forth a bit (If only they could find my clit!) [Chorus] Some lads, they think they shake the walls Poundin' in our sacred halls They never know how our skin crawls Grinding 'gainst sandpapery balls [Chorus] What seems to be a major score Can oftentimes become a chore The next day they become a bore And can't be hustled out of doors [Chorus] With wise words, best to end it strong And like all things, don't go too long Beware the chorus of this song: If they're pumpin' you dry, they're doing it wrong! Pump her boys, you're pumping her dry Down to hell and up to the sky Bend your backs and break your bones You're STILL a thousand miles from home Pump her boys, you're pumping her dry Down to hell and up to the sky Bend your backs and break your bones You're STILL a thousand miles from home
6.
Get in my go kart Strap myself in Rev up the engine let the fun begin Put my foot on the gas And I'm out of the gate But the faster I go the more the metal vibrates (brrr) My body's tingling from my head to my toes But the thing that's really buzzing, I hope nobody knows Cause I'm feeling kind of funny in a biblical way God Damn! It's shaking hard on my Georgia O'Keeffe bouquet I never guessed this trembling machine Would turn the motor on under my hood Go kart racing Accidentally masturbating Go kart racing Mechanical self-fornicating Go kart racing No stopping ‘till I cross the finish line Shifting gears I can feel my heart throb Hope nobody notices I'm getting a lube job Don't need no gentlemen to start my engine Cause I can even feel a little rear suspension (brrr) Try to cover up my scandal like I'm Goldman Sachs But shit is getting real on this indoor track I'm about to go blind and I feel like a creep Cause it's pressing on my horn like beep beep beep Now my driving is getting erratic Cause this transmission is automatic Go kart racing Accidentally masturbating Go kart racing Mechanical self-fornicating Go kart racing No stopping ‘till I cross the finish line If the fruit is ripe you might as well pluck it Was gonna slow down but then I thought "fuck it" No one look at me cause this is it Green flag, go go, holy shit Go kart racing Accidentally masturbating Go kart racing Mechanical self-fornicating Go kart racing No stopping ‘till I cross the finish line Go kart racing Accidentally masturbating Go kart racing Mechanical self-fornicating Go kart racing No stopping ‘till I cross the finish line
7.
Chorus: Merrily, merrily So merry are we Let's do together what comes naturally We've got lots of fun positions to try And don't be afraid to let your freak flag fly! Well, A is for Anal, let's start from behind While B is for Ben-wah, my kegels to mind C for Clitoris, you mustn't neglect While D is for Dildo to help ya get wrecked! E is for Eyesight, so fun to blindfold F is for Flogger, now do as you're told! G's for the G-spot, not that hard to find While H is for Head, if you'd be so kind! [Chorus] I is for Intercourse, hope ya don't lack J's for the junk in the front or the back K is for Kinky, there's all kinds to choose While L is for Lube, which you always must use! M is for Masturbate, learn to self-please N is for Nipples, to pinch and to squeeze O is for Orgasm, oh-oh-good Lord! P's for the Prostate, so often ignored! [Chorus] Q are for Quickies, fun once in awhile R is for rope tied in Shibari-style S is for Stroker to pleasure your cock T is for Tens Unit, to give a shock! U is for Undies in satin or lace, V for Vibration - it isn't a race W for Wand to use on your crotch X is the rating on the films that I watch! [Chorus] Y is for Yearning your lover creates Z for their Zeal - your hunger it sates... Z's also for Zipper, try not to get stuck And now I have sung you some new ways to fuck! [Chorus x2]
8.
A German Clockwinder to Dublin once came Benjamin Fuchs was the old German’s name And as he was making his way ‘round the strand He played on his lute and the music was grand Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay” Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay” There was a young lady in Grosvenor Square Who said that her clock was in need of repair In walked the German and to her delight In less than five minutes, he had her clock right Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay” Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay” And as they were sitting right down on the floor There came a very loud knock on the door In walked her husband and great was his shock To see that old German wind up his wife’s clock Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay” Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay” And then says her husband “Look here, Maryann Don’t let that old German come in here again He wound up your clock and left mine on the shelf If your old clock needs winding, I’ll do it myself!” Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay” Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay” Then says the German, “Sir, I meant you no harm, But the spring wouldn’t work in your old wife’s alarm, So I took out me oil-can, and I gave it a squirt If you kept it well-oiled, your wife’s clock would work!” Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay” Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay” AGAIN Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay” Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay”
9.
Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone? Our Saber is a Slytherin She loves silver and green She’s good at speaking Parseltongue If you know what I mean Our Saber's quite a kinkster They know her far and wide She said to Westley, "As you wish," Now she's the Princess Bride! Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone? Our Rouge, she loves the Dresden His books she does applaud And if she ever met him She’d ride his blasting rod! Our Rouge once screwed some Trekkies The answer to their prayers She likes it rough, and now they know Why Riker straddles chairs! Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone? Our Lucky loves Tom Hiddleston He gives her all the feels She thinks she’d get the best of him, but In the end she always kneels! Our Lucky makes cosplayers blush With her sweet affections Don’t flirt with her in spandex, boys; It don’t hide erections! (That’s true!) Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone? Our Flint “bangs” a bit differently She brought her gun to con Shot off The Doctor’s stetson While dressed up as River Song Our Flint she once met Link, they say, She made that hero drool But then she left him in her dust And went to save Hyrule! Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone? Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone?
10.
1996 02:44
Fanboy got Dragon Ball, Made sure to watch it all, One garage kit a day, Got high on model spray, Mech posters on his door, Couldn't even see the floor, Never went to Japan, What happened to his plan? He was gonna be an idol, He was gonna be a star, Gonna get a replica, Of Nekki Basara's guitar, His desk job 8 to 3, Is now the enemy, No more D&D nights, And nothin', has been, all right Since Akira, Gokudo, Way before Naruto There was Van's Escaflowne, And Sailor Moon on USA, The newbies in high school, They tell us that we're uncool, 'Cause we've had our Asian fix, Since 19, 19, 1996 We've seen all the classics, Every line we know, Kenshin, the Slayers, too, Even Nadesico, We sang Sana's rap, Knew all the guys in SMAP, Thought we'd get a hand, On a member of Priss's band Where're the bikinis made of tiger? And who's that Tenchi clone out screaming bloody murder? When did that OAV become TV? Whatever happened to Tape trades, cel shades, In the decades since Akira, Gokudo, Way before Naruto There was Van's Escaflowne, And Sailor Moon on USA, The newbies in high school, They tell us that we're uncool, 'Cause we've had our Asian fix, Since 19, 19, 1996 We hate cuts, make them stop When did wine and beer become tea and pop? And when did pirates start using toy guns? Glad 4Kids was dropped, dropped, dropped! Now show Akira, Gokudo, Way before Naruto There was Van's Escaflowne, And Sailor Moon on USA, The newbies in high school, They tell us that we're uncool, 'Cause we've had our Asian fix, Since 1996 Akira, Gokudo, Way before Naruto There was Van's Escaflowne, And Sailor Moon on USA, The newbies in high school, They tell us that we're uncool, 'Cause we've had our Asian fix, Since 19, 19, 1996
11.
You and I are kind of like Romeo and Juliet In that I’m romantic and sweet, and you’re an immature loser With friends who are unreasonably violent You and I are kind of like Ron and Hermione In that I’m super smart, I’m good with my wand And you keep a murderer as a pet In these stories we want to know Will they or won’t they? But with us, I know the answer: We won’t. In these stories we want to know Will they or won’t they? But with us, I know the answer: We won’t. You and I are kind of like Simon and Kaylee In that I like spaceships and have a brilliant mind And your whole damn family is crazy You and I are kind of like Karrin Murphy and Harry Dresden In that I know how to use a gun And you’re wanted by the cops for arson In these stories we want to know Will they or won’t they? But with us, I know the answer: We won’t. In these stories we want to know Will they or won’t they? But with us, I know the answer: We won’t. You and I are kind of like Mulder and Scully In that you’re paranoid, and even when you’re right I look like the smart one You and I are kind of like 7 of 9 and the EMH In that the one time you were inside me You ate an entire cheesecake You and I are kind of like Starbuck and Apollo In that after all this, this is going to end in an anticlimactic way You and I are kind of like Starbuck and Apollo In that after all this Unresolved sexual tension And emotional investment And time and money This is going to end In an anticlimactic way You and I are kind of like Spike and Buffy In that you have a terrible accent And my house is full of weapons You and I are kind of like the Doctor and River Song In that I’m a total badass with some fabulous hair And you’ve made out with both my parents In these stories we want to know Will they or won’t they? But with us, I know the answer: We won’t. In these stories we want to know Will they or won’t they? But with us, I know the answer: We won’t.
12.
I asked my mom how I / could be the best I am She said if you do just one thing, you surely won't be damned Well, then I asked "what is it?" / And she answered so demure: "Just keep your knees together, love, / and always you'll be pure." We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share My fingers they still fit between, no need for an affair When she said "be pure," / I asked her what she meant Did she mean pure of heart, or mind, / or always pay your rent? But no, she said, none of that / matters in the slight Keep penises away from you, / and then you'll be all right We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share My mouth and tongue they still could pleasure all the ladies fair And though I had some friends / abstaining happily So many of us sat around, / confused as we could be A cock is such a tiny thing / to have so much control Over our worth as people / and our demarcated role We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share I never had an interest in activities down there So those of us who wanted more / decided to uprise Deciding for ourselves / exactly what went 'tween our thighs We are the revolution, / a movement going strong Of folks who are defined by more / than someone's else dong We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share They still can bend me over and then / claim my derriere Abstaining is an option, but it's not the only one If / you play with someone else's bits / your worth is not undone If anybody tells you / you're a slut or you're a whore Say "Yes I am" quite proudly and then / show that fuck the door!
13.
Dear Sir I Just Met Online, Getting to know you's what I'd like to do. We can talk about the weather or discuss our favorite shows, But there's just one thing I'd ask of you... Ohhhhh Don't show me photos of your dick! I'm not your doctor or your priest!

about

"Sloppy Seconds" is full of nerdy and dirty, funny, sex-positive folk music sung by four badass women. If filthy, feminist folk that frequently references fandoms is your jam, this album is for you!

Our first album, "Busted," is fully a cappella and focused more on classic folk and sea shanties flipped to a female perspective.

This, our sophomore album, adds ukulele in addition to our pretty vocal harmonies, and exists because of our amazing fans and Kickstarter backers (www.kickstarter.com/projects/luckyannie/the-misbehavin-maidens-nerdier-and-dirtier-second/), who are the bestest ever.

credits

released April 11, 2017

The Misbehavin' Maidens are a mixed a capella/folk band comprised of four women from the Washington, D.C./Baltimore area with a love of sex-positive music, parodies, drinking & fandom references for the 18+ nerd crowd.

The Misbehavin' Maidens are:
Caroline Boulden as Saber Tompson
Jennifer Burrell as Madam Rouge O'Malley
Erin Hamilton as Flint Locke
Enfys Book as "Lucky" Annie LeBlanc

CD cover design by RJ Britton (www.rjbritton.com)
Logo design by Tracy Rebelo

Recorded, mixed and mastered at Asparagus Media Studios, Takoma Park, MD

Special thanks to Vince Evans, and big, sloppy kisses to our Kickstarter backers!

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Misbehavin' Maidens Silver Spring, Maryland

"Funny, filthy, feminist, fandom folk" band comprised of four women from the Washington, DC / Baltimore area with a love of sex-positive music, parodies, drinking & fandom references for 18+ geeks.

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