Sloppy Seconds

by Misbehavin' Maidens

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about

"Sloppy Seconds" is full of nerdy and dirty, funny, sex-positive folk music sung by four badass women. If filthy, feminist folk that frequently references fandoms is your jam, this album is for you!

Our first album, "Busted," is fully a cappella and focused more on classic folk and sea shanties flipped to a female perspective.

This, our sophomore album, adds ukulele in addition to our pretty vocal harmonies, and exists because of our amazing fans and Kickstarter backers (www.kickstarter.com/projects/luckyannie/the-misbehavin-maidens-nerdier-and-dirtier-second/), who are the bestest ever.

credits

released April 11, 2017

The Misbehavin' Maidens are a mixed a capella/folk band comprised of four women from the Washington, D.C./Baltimore area with a love of sex-positive music, parodies, drinking & fandom references for the 18+ nerd crowd.

The Misbehavin' Maidens are:
Caroline Boulden as Saber Tompson
Jennifer Burrell as Madam Rouge O'Malley
Erin Hamilton as Flint Locke
Annie Lynsen as "Lucky" Annie LeBlanc

CD cover design by RJ Britton (www.rjbritton.com)
Logo design by Tracy Rebelo

Recorded, mixed and mastered at Asparagus Media Studios, Takoma Park, MD

Special thanks to Vince Evans, and big, sloppy kisses to our Kickstarter backers!

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about

Misbehavin' Maidens Silver Spring, Maryland

Nerd folk comedy band comprised of four women from the Washington, DC / Baltimore area with a love of sex-positive music, parodies, drinking & fandom references for 18+ geeks. 3rd album, "Swearing is Caring," now available!

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Track Name: CONsent
If you want to take a picture, get consent
If you want to take a picture, get consent
If you want to take a picture, they're a person, not a fixture,
If you want to take a picture, get consent

If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent
If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent
If you want to touch their cosplay, and don't want to cause them dismay,
If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent

If you want a big embrace, get consent
If you want a big embrace, get consent
If you want a big embrace, there's a way to close the space,
If you want a big embrace, get consent

And if they still say no, back away
If they still say no, that's ok
If they decline your advance, it's their body, not your chance
If they still say no, just GO AWAY
Track Name: Pump Away
Well, I gave him favors one, favors one (favors one)
I gave him favors one, favors one (favors one)
I gave him favors one, it turned out to be quite fun!
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away

Well, I gave him favors two, favors two (favors two)
I gave him favors two, favors two (favors two)
Well, I gave him favors two, 'cuz his balls were turning blue!
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away

Well, I gave him favors three, favors three (favors three)
Well, I gave him favors three, favors three (favors three)
Well, I gave him favors three, but his piece I couldn’t see
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away

Well, I gave him favors four, favors four (favors four)
Well, I gave him favors four, favors four (favors four)
Well, I gave him favors four, now he's stuck there on the floor!
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away

Well, I gave him favors five, favors five (favors five)
Well, I gave him favors five, favors five (favors five)
Well, I gave him favors five and I really hope that was a hive!
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away

Well, I gave him favors six, favors six (favors six)
Well, I gave him favors six, favors six (favors six)
Well, I gave him favors six and I taught him all new tricks
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away

Well, I gave him favors seven, favors seven (favors seven)
Well, I gave him favors seven, favors seven (favors seven)
Well, I gave him favors seven, and we turned it to eleven!
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away

Well, I gave him favors eight, favors eight (favors eight)
Well, I gave him favors eight, favors eight (favors eight)
Well, I gave him favors eight, and then I made him clean his plate!
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away

Well, I gave him favors nine, favors nine (favors nine)
Well, I gave him favors nine, favors nine (favors nine)
Well, I gave him favors nine, 'cuz his ass, it was divine!
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away

Well, we gave them favors ten, favors ten (favors ten)
Well, we gave them favors ten, favors ten (favors ten)
Well, we gave them favors ten...and now we need new men!
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump away, pump away
Put your shoulder next to mine and pump awa
Track Name: I Wanna Make Out With You at Cons
I think you’re really cute
And nice and funny
We’ve got a lot in common
And that’s just cool

We’re not real close
We’re far from besties
But if I didn’t tell you thisI’d be a fool

Chorus:
I want to make out with you at cons
Don’t wanna be your girlfriend
Don’t wanna date
Just wanna make out with you
When it’s convenient
When we’re cosplaying

You look so good
When you’re all dressed up
You’re giving me needs
That I just can’t shake

I like it when you’re
In character
So I’ve got a little
Proposition to make

[Chorus]

You don’t live close enough
For us to date
And I’ve got too many
Things on my plate

But still you’re really cute
Did I mention that?
We’ve got a good rapport
And I’d like to state...

[Chorus]

BRIDGE (spoken):
I’d almost worked up the courage to ask you
And then my heart just broke
Because your Facebook status changed
To “In a Relationship”
And I don’t think you’re polyamorous
(Like I am)
So after some thorough soul-searching
And after some tears
And more than a few margaritas
And a couple of tequila shots
And many, many episodes of “Gilmore Girls” on Netflix…
Even season 7, with Logan, what was even happening there?
Anyway...
I came to the conclusion there’s only
One thing I can do.
Find somebody else.
...How YOU doin’?

[Chorus x2]
Track Name: Rummer, the Rumrunner
Well I’ll tell you a story, a tale of great deeds
About a young pirate who sailed on the seas
He robbed from the rich, and he gave to himself
But in the books he never ranked high on the shelf

For he’s Rummer, the Rum Runner,
The best pirate in all of the seas
It’s a bummer he ain’t getting younger
Seems life was his only disease

When he went out sailing one thing was for sure
Trouble was always a-plenty in store
For Rummer he never backed down from a fight
At the edge of a sword, or a bar wench at night

And he’s Rummer, the Rum Runner,
The best pirate in all of the seas
It’s a bummer he ain’t getting younger
Seems life was his only disease
...and scurvy

He met up with a maiden who said she was pure
For five copper farthings and Rummer said sure
And when he was done on his face he looked pleased
But from then after that, it burns when he pees

For he’s Rummer, the Rum Runner,
The best pirate in all of the seas
It’s a bummer he ain’t getting younger
Seems life was his only disease
...and scurvy and syphilis

Now poor Rummer upset from the burn
Went to the hospital and waited his turn
And while he was there he was prodded and stuck
Then the doctor looked up and said ‘My boy, you’re….in trouble’

And he’s Rummer, the Rum Runner,
The best pirate in all of the seas
It’s a bummer he ain’t getting younger
Seems life was his only disease
...and scurvy and syphilis and tetanus

Now our dear captain, amused then ashamed
Went on a quest for his pride to reclaim
He went on a bender the likes none had seen
And when he was done, all knew where he’d been

For he’s Rummer, the Rum Runner,
The best pirate in all of the seas
It’s a bummer he ain’t getting younger
Seems life was his only disease
...and scurvy and syphilis and tetanus and cirrhosis of the liver

Well this is the end, there isn’t much more
For after the bender our captain was poor
He met up with that maiden, who said ‘This time it’s free!’
And that was the end of his lecherous spree

And he’s Rummer, the Rum Runner,
The best pirate in all of the seas
It’s a bummer he ain’t getting younger
Seems life was his only disease
...and scurvy and syphilis and tetanus
Cirrhosis, the clap and chlamydia
The herpes, the drip
The hepatitis A, B and C
And the dysentery!

It’s a bummer he ain’t getting younger
Seems life was his only disease
Track Name: Pumping Dry (Pump Shanty)
This song's about a ship, they say
I see it in a different way
When certain lads come out to play
It's how the girls describe their lay

Chorus:
Pump her boys, you're pumping her dry
Down to hell and up to the sky
Bend your backs and break your bones
You're just a thousand miles from home

"I'm great at oral," is the boast
"I always give it my utmost."
"Prove it," is my quick riposte
It lasts a minute, at the most

[Chorus]

As soon as stiffness starts to show
They whip it out, all rarin' to go
Can't tell them pleasure builds up slow
They start before the juices flow

[Chorus]

Some lads, they like a tighter fit
They think it should feel like their mitt
They thrust it back and forth a bit
(If only they could find my clit!)

[Chorus]

Some lads, they think they shake the walls
Poundin' in our sacred halls
They never know how our skin crawls
Grinding 'gainst sandpapery balls

[Chorus]

What seems to be a major score
Can oftentimes become a chore
The next day they become a bore
And can't be hustled out of doors

[Chorus]

With wise words, best to end it strong
And like all things, don't go too long
Beware the chorus of this song:
If they're pumpin' you dry,
they're doing it wrong!

Pump her boys, you're pumping her dry
Down to hell and up to the sky
Bend your backs and break your bones
You're STILL a thousand miles from home

Pump her boys, you're pumping her dry
Down to hell and up to the sky
Bend your backs and break your bones
You're STILL a thousand miles from home
Track Name: Go Kart Racing (Accidentally Masturbating)
Get in my go kart
Strap myself in
Rev up the engine let the fun begin
Put my foot on the gas
And I'm out of the gate
But the faster I go the more the metal vibrates (brrr)

My body's tingling from my head to my toes
But the thing that's really buzzing, I hope nobody knows
Cause I'm feeling kind of funny in a biblical way
God Damn! It's shaking hard on my Georgia O'Keeffe bouquet
I never guessed this trembling machine
Would turn the motor on under my hood

Go kart racing
Accidentally masturbating
Go kart racing
Mechanical self-fornicating
Go kart racing
No stopping ‘till I cross the finish line

Shifting gears
I can feel my heart throb
Hope nobody notices I'm getting a lube job
Don't need no gentlemen to start my engine
Cause I can even feel a little rear suspension (brrr)
Try to cover up my scandal like I'm Goldman Sachs
But shit is getting real on this indoor track
I'm about to go blind and I feel like a creep
Cause it's pressing on my horn like beep beep beep
Now my driving is getting erratic
Cause this transmission is automatic

Go kart racing
Accidentally masturbating
Go kart racing
Mechanical self-fornicating
Go kart racing
No stopping ‘till I cross the finish line

If the fruit is ripe you might as well pluck it
Was gonna slow down but then I thought "fuck it"
No one look at me cause this is it
Green flag, go go, holy shit

Go kart racing
Accidentally masturbating
Go kart racing
Mechanical self-fornicating
Go kart racing
No stopping ‘till I cross the finish line

Go kart racing
Accidentally masturbating
Go kart racing
Mechanical self-fornicating
Go kart racing
No stopping ‘till I cross the finish line
Track Name: Alphabet Song
Chorus:
Merrily, merrily
So merry are we
Let's do together what comes naturally
We've got lots of fun positions to try
And don't be afraid to let your freak flag fly!

Well, A is for Anal, let's start from behind
While B is for Ben-wah, my kegels to mind
C for Clitoris, you mustn't neglect
While D is for Dildo to help ya get wrecked!

E is for Eyesight, so fun to blindfold
F is for Flogger, now do as you're told!
G's for the G-spot, not that hard to find
While H is for Head, if you'd be so kind!

[Chorus]

I is for Intercourse, hope ya don't lack
J's for the junk in the front or the back
K is for Kinky, there's all kinds to choose
While L is for Lube, which you always must use!

M is for Masturbate, learn to self-please
N is for Nipples, to pinch and to squeeze
O is for Orgasm, oh-oh-good Lord!
P's for the Prostate, so often ignored!

[Chorus]

Q are for Quickies, fun once in awhile
R is for rope tied in Shibari-style
S is for Stroker to pleasure your cock
T is for Tens Unit, to give a shock!

U is for Undies in satin or lace,
V for Vibration - it isn't a race
W for Wand to use on your crotch
X is the rating on the films that I watch!

[Chorus]

Y is for Yearning your lover creates
Z for their Zeal - your hunger it sates...
Z's also for Zipper, try not to get stuck
And now I have sung you some new ways to fuck!

[Chorus x2]
Track Name: German Clockwinder
A German Clockwinder to Dublin once came
Benjamin Fuchs was the old German’s name
And as he was making his way ‘round the strand
He played on his lute and the music was grand

Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay
Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay”
Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay
Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay”

There was a young lady in Grosvenor Square
Who said that her clock was in need of repair
In walked the German and to her delight
In less than five minutes, he had her clock right

Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay
Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay”
Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay
Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay”

And as they were sitting right down on the floor
There came a very loud knock on the door
In walked her husband and great was his shock
To see that old German wind up his wife’s clock

Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay
Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay”
Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay
Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay”

And then says her husband “Look here, Maryann
Don’t let that old German come in here again
He wound up your clock and left mine on the shelf
If your old clock needs winding, I’ll do it myself!”

Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay
Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay”
Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay
Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay”

Then says the German, “Sir, I meant you no harm,
But the spring wouldn’t work in your old wife’s alarm,
So I took out me oil-can, and I gave it a squirt
If you kept it well-oiled, your wife’s clock would work!”

Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay
Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay”
Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay
Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay”

AGAIN

Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay
Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay”
Singing “Too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-lam-a-lam-a, too-ra-li-ay
Too-ra-li, oo-ra-li, oo-ra-li-ay”
Track Name: Bang Away, Maidens
Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true
The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw
Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong
What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone?

Our Saber is a Slytherin
She loves silver and green
She’s good at speaking Parseltongue
If you know what I mean

Our Saber's quite a kinkster
They know her far and wide
She said to Westley,
"As you wish,"
Now she's the Princess Bride!

Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true
The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw
Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong
What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone?

Our Rouge, she loves the Dresden
His books she does applaud
And if she ever met him
She’d ride his blasting rod!

Our Rouge once screwed some Trekkies
The answer to their prayers
She likes it rough, and now they know
Why Riker straddles chairs!

Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true
The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw
Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong
What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone?

Our Lucky loves Tom Hiddleston
He gives her all the feels
She thinks she’d get the best of him, but
In the end she always kneels!

Our Lucky makes cosplayers blush
With her sweet affections
Don’t flirt with her in spandex, boys;
It don’t hide erections! (That’s true!)

Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true
The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw
Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong
What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone?

Our Flint “bangs” a bit differently
She brought her gun to con
Shot off The Doctor’s stetson
While dressed up as River Song

Our Flint she once met Link, they say,
She made that hero drool
But then she left him in her dust
And went to save Hyrule!

Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true
The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw
Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong
What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone?

Bang away, Maidens, bang it sure and true
The fans will come from miles around for a good ol’ Maiden screw
Oh, bang away, Maidens, bang it good and strong
What in the world will the good fans do when the Maidens are all gone?
Track Name: 1996
Fanboy got Dragon Ball,
Made sure to watch it all,
One garage kit a day,
Got high on model spray,
Mech posters on his door,
Couldn't even see the floor,
Never went to Japan,
What happened to his plan?

He was gonna be an idol,
He was gonna be a star,
Gonna get a replica,
Of Nekki Basara's guitar,
His desk job 8 to 3,
Is now the enemy,
No more D&D nights,
And nothin', has been, all right

Since Akira, Gokudo,
Way before Naruto
There was Van's Escaflowne,
And Sailor Moon on USA,
The newbies in high school,
They tell us that we're uncool,
'Cause we've had our Asian fix,
Since 19, 19, 1996

We've seen all the classics,
Every line we know,
Kenshin, the Slayers, too,
Even Nadesico,
We sang Sana's rap,
Knew all the guys in SMAP,
Thought we'd get a hand,
On a member of Priss's band

Where're the bikinis made of tiger?
And who's that Tenchi clone out screaming bloody murder?
When did that OAV become TV?
Whatever happened to
Tape trades, cel shades,
In the decades since

Akira, Gokudo,
Way before Naruto
There was Van's Escaflowne,
And Sailor Moon on USA,
The newbies in high school,
They tell us that we're uncool,
'Cause we've had our Asian fix,
Since 19, 19, 1996

We hate cuts, make them stop
When did wine and beer become tea and pop?
And when did pirates start using toy guns?
Glad 4Kids was dropped, dropped, dropped!

Now show Akira, Gokudo,
Way before Naruto
There was Van's Escaflowne,
And Sailor Moon on USA,
The newbies in high school,
They tell us that we're uncool,
'Cause we've had our Asian fix,
Since 1996

Akira, Gokudo,
Way before Naruto
There was Van's Escaflowne,
And Sailor Moon on USA,
The newbies in high school,
They tell us that we're uncool,
'Cause we've had our Asian fix,
Since 19, 19, 1996
Track Name: Will They Or Won't They?
You and I are kind of like Romeo and Juliet
In that I’m romantic and sweet, and you’re an immature loser
With friends who are unreasonably violent

You and I are kind of like Ron and Hermione
In that I’m super smart, I’m good with my wand
And you keep a murderer as a pet

In these stories we want to know
Will they or won’t they?
But with us, I know the answer: We won’t.

In these stories we want to know
Will they or won’t they?
But with us, I know the answer: We won’t.

You and I are kind of like Simon and Kaylee
In that I like spaceships and have a brilliant mind
And your whole damn family is crazy

You and I are kind of like Karrin Murphy and Harry Dresden
In that I know how to use a gun
And you’re wanted by the cops for arson

In these stories we want to know
Will they or won’t they?
But with us, I know the answer: We won’t.

In these stories we want to know
Will they or won’t they?
But with us, I know the answer: We won’t.

You and I are kind of like Mulder and Scully
In that you’re paranoid, and even when you’re right
I look like the smart one

You and I are kind of like 7 of 9 and the EMH
In that the one time you were inside me
You ate an entire cheesecake

You and I are kind of like Starbuck and Apollo
In that after all this, this is going to end in an anticlimactic way
You and I are kind of like Starbuck and Apollo
In that after all this
Unresolved sexual tension
And emotional investment
And time and money
This is going to end
In an anticlimactic way

You and I are kind of like Spike and Buffy
In that you have a terrible accent
And my house is full of weapons

You and I are kind of like the Doctor and River Song
In that I’m a total badass with some fabulous hair
And you’ve made out with both my parents

In these stories we want to know
Will they or won’t they?
But with us, I know the answer: We won’t.

In these stories we want to know
Will they or won’t they?
But with us, I know the answer: We won’t.
Track Name: Aspirin 'Twixt Our Knees
I asked my mom how I / could be the best I am
She said if you do just one thing, you surely won't be damned
Well, then I asked "what is it?" / And she answered so demure:
"Just keep your knees together, love, / and always you'll be pure."

We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees
To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased
But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share
My fingers they still fit between, no need for an affair

When she said "be pure," / I asked her what she meant
Did she mean pure of heart, or mind, / or always pay your rent?
But no, she said, none of that / matters in the slight
Keep penises away from you, / and then you'll be all right

We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees
To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased
But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share
My mouth and tongue they still could pleasure all the ladies fair

And though I had some friends / abstaining happily
So many of us sat around, / confused as we could be
A cock is such a tiny thing / to have so much control
Over our worth as people / and our demarcated role

We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees
To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased
But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share
I never had an interest in activities down there

So those of us who wanted more / decided to uprise
Deciding for ourselves / exactly what went 'tween our thighs
We are the revolution, / a movement going strong
Of folks who are defined by more / than someone's else dong

We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees
To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased
But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share
They still can bend me over and then / claim my derriere

Abstaining is an option, but it's not the only one
If / you play with someone else's bits / your worth is not undone
If anybody tells you / you're a slut or you're a whore
Say "Yes I am" quite proudly and then / show that fuck the door!
Track Name: The Internet Dating Lament
Dear Sir I Just Met Online,
Getting to know you's what I'd like to do.
We can talk about the weather or discuss our favorite shows,
But there's just one thing I'd ask of you...

Ohhhhh
Don't show me photos of your dick!
I'm not your doctor or your priest!

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