Swearing is Caring

by Misbehavin' Maidens

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about

On our third nerd-folk comedy album full of songs about fandoms, sex, LGBTQIAP+ themes, and feminism, we swear because we care.

credits

released July 10, 2019

The Misbehavin' Maidens are:
Caroline Boulden as Saber Tompson
Jennifer Burrell as Madam Rouge O'Malley
Erin Hamilton as Flint Locke
Annie Lynsen as "Lucky" Annie LeBlanc

CD cover design by Russell Altizer (facebook.com/colorfullanguageart/)
Logo design by Tracy Rebelo

Recorded, mixed and mastered at Asparagus Media Studios, Takoma Park, MD

Special thanks to Donna Korn and Phoebe Hamilton, as well as our amazing Kickstarter backers!

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all rights reserved

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about

Misbehavin' Maidens Silver Spring, Maryland

Nerd folk comedy band comprised of four women from the Washington, DC / Baltimore area with a love of sex-positive music, parodies, drinking & fandom references for 18+ geeks. 3rd album, "Swearing is Caring," now available!

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Track Name: Bibliophilia
Let's get busy in the library
I wanna do it by the books
But if I can't be quiet, we'll get nasty looks
My bits are Dewey and by now my pleasure's feeling overdue
Let's do it in the library
Let's do it in the library

Let's get busy in the library
And then my pleasure will renew
There's so much friction and non-friction to pursue
Oh put a hold on me, I promise I will not be so reserved
Let's do it in the library
Let's do it in the library

Let's get busy in the library
Where we can hide among the stacks
Don't leave me hanging in suspense at the climax
Let's make the graphic novel section much more graphic than it's been
Let's do it in the library
Let's do it in the library

Let's get busy in the library
My lust is hitting Overdrive
Shelf three-oh-six-point-seven's where I feel alive
For some extra kink I'll maybe even do you dog-ear style
Let's do it in the library
Let’s do it in the library

I've wanted you in the library
Since I first checked you out
My love life had been in a catastrophic drought
But since I found you, erotica genre, I want to read you all the time,
And...
I wanna do it in the library
I wanna do it in the library
Track Name: Slytherins are Misunderstood
Slytherins are evil
That's what other houses say!
But as a Slytherin
I aim to change your view today
Slytherins aren't terrible
We're just misunderstood
Just because we're little power-obsessed
Doesn't mean we can't be good

Chorus:
Oh Slytherin, oh Slytherin
They all think you’re bad
But a Slytherin will be the
Bestest friend you've ever had!

Slytherins can be so kind
They take care of their friends
They'll find for you a meal
Cuz you "forgot your lunch again"!
They really are the sweetest
It just doesn't always show
But don't ask them where they got that sandwich
You don't want to know!

Chorus

Slytherins watch out for you
They'll make sure you're ok!
They'll tell your ex to f**k right off
And make them go away!
They'll respect your choices
When you want to win or quit
And most of the time will manipulate you
only a little bit!

Chorus

A Slytherin will open up
If they think you’ll listen
You know they care about you
If they don’t just hold it in
Expressing their emotions
Is not their strongest trait
Unless, of course, you count the feelings
Sad, mad, fear, and hate.

Chorus

I hope I've helped you all to see
That Slytherins are fine!
You don't have to reject us
You just have to have a spine!
Your Slytherin can be bad at knowing
Where some boundaries lay
That's why we all need our Hufflepuffs
To keep us all at bay!

Chorus X2
Track Name: Mermaids and Queers
Chorus:
Mermaids and Sirens sing songs from the deep
To dash men on rocks, or to put them to sleep
What do they do with all the rest? The straight gals and the queers?
Do Sirens change their music when it falls on deaf ears?

Straight gals and gay guys aren't into topless broads
They barely even notice them swimming in their pods
Mermaids call for backup when it doesn't go to plan
Those lads and lasses can't deny a rugged Aquaman!

Chorus

Aces and Greys hardly give mermaids a thought
They hear the siren's tempting song and just say "Could you not?"
But those fishymaids have found a way! No one can catch a break!
They know not even Aces can resist delicious cake!

Chorus

Demisexuals all like to think they're in the clear
They listen to the Sirens’ song without a spot of fear
They make pals with the Mermaids that follow them around
Their friendship blossoms into more, and oops they all are drowned!

Chorus

Mermaids and Sirens are just like you and me
They're all over the spectrum of sexuality
There's only one little thing that’s certainly assumed
Lesbians, Pansexuals and Bis are always doomed!

Mermaids and Sirens sing songs from the deep
To dash folx on rocks, or to put them to sleep
It doesn't matter who you are, or how you play the game
They'll eat all of the Rainbow, 'cuz our meat all tastes the same!
Yes, they they'll eat all of the Rainbow, 'cuz our meat all tastes the same!
Track Name: Space Shanty
It was Wednesday morn when we engaged
Boldly going places man has never known
When up on the Bridge, they spied a Romulan ship
Far away from the Neutral Zone

Chorus:
And the planets they do roll, And the distant stars they glow
And we poor Ensigns are running round the ship
While civilians they lie down below (below, below)
While civilians they lie down below

Up spoke Number One of the Enterprise
And he was a handsome bearded man
He straddled a chair with his very long legs
And said, "Captain do we have a plan?"

Chorus

Up spoke the Captain of the Enterprise
And a well-spoken man was he
"I don't want to tangle with the Romulans,
I would rather drink my hot Earl Grey tea!"

Chorus

Up spoke the doctor of the Enterprise
She was a strong willed woman in blue
She said, "Captain come on, you have to run this ship
All the crew is depending on you!"

Chorus

Up spoke Lt. Commander of the Enterprise
And a curious android was he
"Can someone please explain why this Romulan ship
Has decided to break the treaty?"

Chorus

Up spoke the pilot of the Enterprise
And a nerdy little genius was he
He said, "I think that we should..."
"Shut up Wesley!!"

Chorus

Up spoke the engineer of the Enterprise
And his visor was really high-tech
"I hope that this conflict doesn't take that long
I’ve a date waiting on the holodeck."

Chorus

Up spoke the counselor of the Enterprise
And a very pretty empath was she
"There's a Romulan vessel outside of this ship
And I sense the Romulans are angry"

Chorus

Up spoke Security on the Enterprise
And a very moody Klingon was he
He said--
"Klingons do not sing space shanties."

Chorus X2
Track Name: Smile!
Maybe you think you’re clever
Or maybe you think it’s cute
But we are just perfect strangers
So you come off like a brute

And I’m just trying to get to work now
So, excuse me if I’m not contrite
But I’ve never met you before, sir
and you don't know it but you're starting a fight

CHORUS:
Please don’t ask me to smile
Please don’t tell me to cheer up
Cuz this is my face and it isn’t your place to tell me how
I should use it
No don’t ask me to smile
Because it isn’t kind, it’s creepy
I just wanna be me
Angry, sad or carefree and
I'm fine with me
So I don’t see a need to excuse it

I’ve got a pretty cancerous puppy
And my mom and my dad just died
I’m sorry if I don’t seem happy
But I’ll try to look on the bright side

But I lost all my things in that house fire
And I haven’t pooped in a week
I think my boyfriend’s dating the mailman
So my tolerance is reaching its peak

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
I don’t care if I’m pretty
I don’t care if I’m cute
I’m not looking to flirt
I’m no sweetheart to you
You may be funny
And you may be sweet
But right now you kinda sound like a creep

CHORUS

My cat was abducted by aliens
And my car is infested with bees
I’ll try to remember the good times
Like when I got that kidney disease

And I’m apparently allergic to coffee
And my sister just got killed by bear
I’m sorry if I seem so distracted
But I just found out I’m losing my hair

CHORUS
Track Name: Bunnies in My Brain
Lying in my bedroom, wide awake
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
Trying hard to sleep, but I can’t catch a break
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
These worries could all be real or fake
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
But I’ll never sort them out before I wake!
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!

Chorus:
Bunnies in my brain, both night and morning,
Filling me with anxiety,
Nomming on neurons like sweet romaine
And I can’t stop the worries; I’ve got bunnies in my brain!
Hi, ho, bunnies in my brain!
Hey, ho, bunnies in my brain!

I try medication and meditation too
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
Cuz managing this is what I gotta do
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
Some days are tough for me to get through
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
But that got a little better when I met you
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!

Chorus

When I met you, there was a twist
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
You’re so much more than just a tryst
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
Those bunnies in my brain, they must be pissed
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
They're quieter now, and they ain’t missed
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!

Chorus

You ease my brain sometimes for sure
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
You make me feel nice and secure
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
But I'm not saying that you're the cure
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
Cuz that belief is immature
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!

Chorus

Bunnies in my brain will always stay
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
I was built like this, to my dismay
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
But I'll always fight, day after day
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!
While you make my heart race in a better way
Hey ho, bunnies in my brain!

Final chorus:
Bunnies in my brain, both night and morning,
Filling me with anxiety,
Nomming on neurons like sweet romaine
And I can’t stop the worries; I’ve got bunnies in my brain!
Hi, ho, bunnies in my brain!
Hey, ho, bunnies in my brain!
Hi, ho, bunnies in my brain!
Hey, ho, bunnies in my brain!
And I can’t stop the worries; I’ve got bunnies in my brain!
Track Name: 600 Miles (Dragon Con)
On this long road trip we’ve gone,
Headed down to DragonCon,
Fucking hell, we had to drive six hundred miles

Six hundred miles, six hundred miles
Six hundred miles, six hundred miles
Fucking hell, we had to drive six hundred miles

High-priced hotels, huge dealer halls
Four summer days, it’s hot as balls,
Not cheap to be six hundred miles away from home

Away from home, away from home,
Away from home, away from home
Not cheap to be six hundred miles away from home

[Instrumental]

Cosplay sweat-stuck to our backs
Pail of rum punch to relax,
Shit, we can’t get to the hotel through the parade

Through the parade, through the parade,
Through the parade, through the parade,
Shit, we can’t get to the hotel through the parade

On this long road trip we’ve gone,
Forth and back from DragonCon,
Holy fuck, we have to drive twelve hundred miles

Twelve hundred miles, twelve hundred miles
Twelve hundred miles, twelve hundred miles
Holy fuck, we have to drive twelve hundred miles
Fucking hell, we have to drive twelve hundred miles
...But you assholes are worth all...twelve hundred miles…
Track Name: Dock Worker's Song
Well a working lass am I, and I am telling you no lie,
I work and sleep among the docks, where the laddies come to buy.
There's dirt and dust around me, and the sea spray fills the air,
There's a lousy smell that smacks of hell, and white stuff in me hair.

Chorus
And it's blow, girls, blow,
No time to take a break
And every day you're in this place the more you start to ache
But you blow

Well I've slept with saints and sinners and most every type of bloke
The tall, the small, "Not there at all," and some who made me choke.
Spend all my time down on me knees till my thighs start to burn,
I like it rough, I've done enough to make your stomachs turn!

Chorus

Well, there's overtime and bonus opportunities galore
The young men have their money and they all come back for more
But soon you're knocking on and you're tired and you're sore
For every bob you give a job, there's five knocking on your door

Chorus

Well a working lass am I and I'm telling you no lie,
I work and sleep among the docks, where the laddies come to buy.
There's dirt and dust around me, and the sea spray fills the air,
There's a lousy smell that smacks of hell, and white stuff in me hair.

Chorus x2
Track Name: Pillowtalk
We just finished fucking each other,
It was pretty good, not great,
We matched on a phone application,
You said you weren't looking to date
Now we’re lying naked, in the bed,
And our silence fills the air,
You turn your head towards me
As you reach to touch my hair…

“I can’t wait for my partner to meet you,”
You casually say with a grin,
My mouth drops open, my eyes open wide,
Don’t even know where to begin
You haven’t told me about them before now,
Or bothered to give them a mention,
Pillowtalk’s not the appropriate time
To give it your fucking attention!

We’ve gone on a couple of dates before now,
And somehow the moment is right,
I go back with you to your bedroom,
And we screw all through the night,
I wake up refreshed the next morning,
“Oh good, you’re up!” you croon,
I brace myself, and hold my breath,
Don’t want to judge too soon…

“Do you think you could back my Kickstarter?
Just 3,000 dollars to go!”
I can’t palm my face any harder,
This is shit you should already know!
You haven’t told me about it before now,
Or bothered to give it a mention,
Pillowtalk’s not the appropriate time
To give it your fucking attention!

When you invited me to your orgy,
I figured “Okay, what the hell?”
The group was all super attractive,
And I’d had a bit of a dry spell,
I should have suspected that something was off,
Or at least all was not as should be,
After several embraces, I found several faces
All peering down at me

“I hope that you’re not too allergic,
That’s the pillow where my cat sleeps.”
“Let me now tell you all about Jesus,
You must know that he loves you heaps!”
“Lay back and try to get comfortable now,
I’m sensing some hesitation…
But you’ll want to get the best angle
For my Powerpoint presentatioooooon~!”

So if you’re taking somebody home,
Or to your hotel bed,
Consider your thoughts oh-so-carefully,
And beware of what is said,
Do not break some new information
While you’re basking in the glow,
Don’t criticize, or proselytize,
Or tell them about your shoooow~!

We’re not saying ‘withhold information’,
Just tell them before you both screw,
There’s too many chemicals after sex,
To agree with or say no to you,
If you haven’t told them about it before now,
As we may have already mentioned,
Pillowtalk’s not the appropriate time
To give it your fucking attention!
No, Pillowtalk’s not the appropriate time
To give it your fucking attention!
Track Name: Mansplain Man
They say I’m a Man-Hater,
Away, boys, away!
That I think like a dictator
So it’s Mansplain Man

Mansplain Man,
Oh Mansplain Man.
They think that they know better
And it’s Mansplain Man.

Feminazi’s what they call me
Away, boys, away!
That my goals are not equality
So it’s Mansplain Man

They call me Nasty Woman,
Away, boys, away!
Say I’m barely even Human
So it’s Mansplain Man

Mansplain Man,
Oh Mansplain Man.
They think that they know better
And it’s Mansplain Man.

"Fake Geek Girls," they do mention
Away, boys, away!
Say it’s all a cry for attention
So it’s Mansplain Man

They say I’m a host for their baby
Away, boys, away!
I should just close my legs maybe
So it’s Mansplain Man

Mansplain Man,
Oh Mansplain Man.
They think that they know better
And it’s Mansplain Man.

They say I’m a special snowflake
Away, boys, away!
But I make them shiver and shake
So it’s Mansplain Man

I’m a Social Justice Warrior
Away, boys, away!
And the battle’s getting Gorier
So it’s Mansplain Man

Mansplain Man,
Oh Mansplain Man.
They think that they know better
And it’s Mansplain Man.

Explain that I should quit
Away, boys, away!
And I’ll tell you where to shove it
So it’s Mansplain Man

Mansplain man,
Oh Mansplain man.
She’s got a doctorate in this topic,
And it’s Man-splain man

Mansplain man,
Oh Mansplain man.
I LITERALLY just said that,
And it’s Mansplain man

Mansplain man,
Oh Mansplain man.
I WRITE THE GODDAMN BLOG YOU REFERENCED
And it's Mansplain man…

Mansplain man,
Oh Man-splain man.
This is why you never read the comments
Cuz it’s Mansplain man
Track Name: Drinks Don't Have a F**king Gender
CHORUS:
Drinks don’t have a fucking gender
Oh, you know, that’s right
Both cosmos and straight whiskey
They can keep us warm at night
Just cuz a drink is pink it doesn’t
Say a thing about you
Cuz drinks don’t have a fucking gender, it’s true

Don’t tell me I can’t drink that shot
Because it’s just too bold
My gender isn’t governed by
The drink I choose to hold
Aged Scotch or a fine bourbon, neat
They taste real good to me
And drinks don’t have a fucking gender, you see.

CHORUS

I’m something of a sugar fiend
It’s not a felony
With cocktails full of grenadine
Blood of my enemies!
They taste great and they’re strong as hell
What makes that immature?
Cuz drinks don’t have a fucking gender, for sure.

CHORUS

Just cuz I like tequila
It don’t mean I overdo
I savor the expensive stuff
And stop before I spew
I’m not a lush, I’m not a mess
I drink it nice and slow
And drinks don’t have a fucking gender, you know.

CHORUS

Well, I like wine, it’s yummy
It’s the way that I unwind
I might just have another glass
If you would be so kind
I’m not a snob about it
But just let me reinforce
That drinks don’t have a fucking gender, of course

We all like drinking different things
That’s totally okay
Drinks are not identity
Whatever others say
But all that said, please don’t drink crap
Cuz life is just too short
For Bud Lite
Or Arbor Mist
Or Everclear
Or FourLoko!
Or $1 Long Island Iced Teas (shudder)

Be good to you, you’re worth it
Drink good booze that likes you too
And drinks don’t have a fucking gender, it’s true
Track Name: Dumb Ways to Con
Stop for pictures at the top of the stairs,
Try to lick all of the vendor wares
Rush a panel room when you’re told to wait,
Tell a Xenomorph you wanna procreate

Chorus:
Dumb ways to con,
So many dumb ways to con,
Dumb ways to co-o-on,
So many dumb ways to con

Keep a Tribble as a pet,
Sell a vial of Chris Evans’ sweat,
Enter the Pokemon tourny with all bidoof,
Do a barrel roll off the hotel roof

Chorus

Challenge a Wookiee to a fight,
Smoke a cigarette and set your wig alight
Go to the LARP with a sharpened sword
Throw some chimichangas at a Deadpool horde

Chorus

Yell spoilers at the Game of Thrones shoot,
Tell an Alucard his Carmen Sandiego’s cute,
Go to the rave when you’re feeling faint
Hug somebody while in unsealed body paint

Chorus

Agree to a group skit without committing…
Watch all of Evangelion in one sitting...

Go all weekend without taking a shower,
Chug energy drinks and just live in the game room
Blow your money on swag and forget food’s important,
They may not rhyme but they’re quite possibly

The dumbest ways to con,
The dumbest ways to con,
Dumb ways to con-o-oooooonnn…
So many dumb
So many dumb ways to con….
Track Name: Do You Take It
Well my father thinks you're nifty,
And you’ve heard of Bodelaire,
And we both agree that human rights abuses are unfair
You understand your feelings
And you're not afraid to share,
And I think I could do something with your hair...

You smell nice,
And you're groovy,
And we both like nerdy movies...
My mother says you have that touch of class.
I can see a shining future where we'll dialogue and nurture,
But there's just one thing I feel I need to ask....

Do you take it up the ass?
Do you take it up the ass?
When it comes to brains, you've got 'em
But unless you play the bottom,
I don’t think you and me are gonna last

Do you take it up the ass?
Do you take it up the ass?
I’m not really one for begging
So unless you’re into pegging
Afraid I'm gonna have to take a pass

'Cause you're adorable, reliable,
But is your anus pliable?
That's the information that we need.

Would you do it if you loved me?
If you're nervous, squat above me
You'll be able to control the depth and speeeeeeed.....

Do you take it up the ass?
Do you take it up the ass?
Ooooooooh....
Do you take it up the ass.......?

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