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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fucks — Live at Jammin' Java AUDIO ONLY

by Misbehavin' Maidens

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CONsent 01:09
If you want to take a picture, get consent If you want to take a picture, get consent If you want to take a picture, they're a person, not a fixture, If you want to take a picture, get consent If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent If you want to touch their cosplay, and don't want to cause them dismay, If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent If you want a big embrace, get consent If you want a big embrace, get consent If you want a big embrace, there's a way to close the space, If you want a big embrace, get consent And if they still say no, back away If they still say no, that's ok If they decline your advance, it's their body, not your chance If they still say no, just GO AWAY
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Chorus: Mermaids and Sirens sing songs from the deep To dash men on rocks, or to put them to sleep What do they do with all the rest? The straight gals and the queers? Do Sirens change their music when it falls on deaf ears? Straight gals and gay guys aren't into topless broads They barely even notice them swimming in their pods Mermaids call for backup when it doesn't go to plan Those lads and lasses can't deny a rugged Aquaman! Chorus Aces and Greys hardly give mermaids a thought They hear the siren's tempting song and just say "Could you not?" But those fishymaids have found a way! No one can catch a break! They know not even Aces can resist delicious cake! Chorus Demisexuals all like to think they're in the clear They listen to the Sirens’ song without a spot of fear They make pals with the Mermaids that follow them around Their friendship blossoms into more, and oops they all are drowned! Chorus Mermaids and Sirens are just like you and me They're all over the spectrum of sexuality There's only one little thing that’s certainly assumed Lesbians, Pansexuals and Bis are always doomed! Mermaids and Sirens sing songs from the deep To dash folx on rocks, or to put them to sleep It doesn't matter who you are, or how you play the game They'll eat all of the Rainbow, 'cuz our meat all tastes the same! Yes, they they'll eat all of the Rainbow, 'cuz our meat all tastes the same!
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I think you’re really cute And nice and funny We’ve got a lot in common And that’s just cool We’re not real close We’re far from besties But if I didn’t tell you thisI’d be a fool Chorus: I want to make out with you at cons Don’t wanna be your girlfriend Don’t wanna date Just wanna make out with you When it’s convenient When we’re cosplaying You look so good When you’re all dressed up You’re giving me needs That I just can’t shake I like it when you’re In character So I’ve got a little Proposition to make [Chorus] You don’t live close enough For us to date And I’ve got too many Things on my plate But still you’re really cute Did I mention that? We’ve got a good rapport And I’d like to state... [Chorus] BRIDGE (spoken): I’d almost worked up the courage to ask you And then my heart just broke Because your Facebook status changed To “In a Relationship” And I don’t think you’re polyamorous (Like I am) So after some thorough soul-searching And after some tears And more than a few margaritas And a couple of tequila shots And many, many episodes of “Gilmore Girls” on Netflix… Even season 7, with Logan, what was even happening there? Anyway... I came to the conclusion there’s only One thing I can do. Find somebody else. ...How YOU doin’? [Chorus x2]
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Smile! 02:59
Maybe you think you’re clever Or maybe you think it’s cute But we are just perfect strangers So you come off like a brute And I’m just trying to get to work now So, excuse me if I’m not contrite But I’ve never met you before, sir and you don't know it but you're starting a fight CHORUS: Please don’t ask me to smile Please don’t tell me to cheer up Cuz this is my face and it isn’t your place to tell me how I should use it No don’t ask me to smile Because it isn’t kind, it’s creepy I just wanna be me Angry, sad or carefree and I'm fine with me So I don’t see a need to excuse it I’ve got a pretty cancerous puppy And my mom and my dad just died I’m sorry if I don’t seem happy But I’ll try to look on the bright side But I lost all my things in that house fire And I haven’t pooped in a week I think my boyfriend’s dating the mailman So my tolerance is reaching its peak CHORUS BRIDGE: I don’t care if I’m pretty I don’t care if I’m cute I’m not looking to flirt I’m no sweetheart to you You may be funny And you may be sweet But right now you kinda sound like a creep CHORUS My cat was abducted by aliens And my car is infested with bees I’ll try to remember the good times Like when I got that kidney disease And I’m apparently allergic to coffee And my sister just got killed by bear I’m sorry if I seem so distracted But I just found out I’m losing my hair CHORUS
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There's something deep inside of me I don't need anymore The pain it stings, the tears it brings To keep it is a chore I need to give it up you see So kindly don't you tease I beg you Doc, my words don't block And Yeet my uterus please! I was born with these useless tubes That only bring me stress The monthly blood, emotional flood It really is a mess Don't tell me I'll regret this path Or a husband I'll displease Clip it, snip it, go and RIP it Yeet my uterus please I've never wanted what it's for A mom is not my plan And if I did, someday want kids Adopt, I always can! Nothing wrong with child bearing the thought just makes me freeze Kids are fine when they're not mine, so Yeet my uterus please! Mine even tried to make me die Growing pre-cancerous cells To know it's there, is just not fair It's my own personal hell You have to see this is what's right Don't want to beg on knees Just grab your knife, and save my life And Yeet my uterus please! Only forty, thirty, twenty-five My mind is set at ease It's my choice, respect my voice And Yeet my uterus please! It's my choice, respect my voice And Yeet my uterus please!
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Bibliophilia 02:09
Let's get busy in the library I wanna do it by the books But if I can't be quiet, we'll get nasty looks My bits are Dewey and by now my pleasure's feeling overdue Let's do it in the library Let's do it in the library Let's get busy in the library And then my pleasure will renew There's so much friction and non-friction to pursue Oh put a hold on me, I promise I will not be so reserved Let's do it in the library Let's do it in the library Let's get busy in the library Where we can hide among the stacks Don't leave me hanging in suspense at the climax Let's make the graphic novel section much more graphic than it's been Let's do it in the library Let's do it in the library Let's get busy in the library My lust is hitting Overdrive Shelf three-oh-six-point-seven's where I feel alive For some extra kink I'll maybe even do you dog-ear style Let's do it in the library Let’s do it in the library I've wanted you in the library Since I first checked you out My love life had been in a catastrophic drought But since I found you, erotica genre, I want to read you all the time, And... I wanna do it in the library I wanna do it in the library
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Pillowtalk 03:49
We just finished fucking each other, It was pretty good, not great, We matched on a phone application, You said you weren't looking to date Now we’re lying naked, in the bed, And our silence fills the air, You turn your head towards me As you reach to touch my hair… “I can’t wait for my partner to meet you,” You casually say with a grin, My mouth drops open, my eyes open wide, Don’t even know where to begin You haven’t told me about them before now, Or bothered to give them a mention, Pillowtalk’s not the appropriate time To give it your fucking attention! We’ve gone on a couple of dates before now, And somehow the moment is right, I go back with you to your bedroom, And we screw all through the night, I wake up refreshed the next morning, “Oh good, you’re up!” you croon, I brace myself, and hold my breath, Don’t want to judge too soon… “Do you think you could back my Kickstarter? Just 3,000 dollars to go!” I can’t palm my face any harder, This is shit you should already know! You haven’t told me about it before now, Or bothered to give it a mention, Pillowtalk’s not the appropriate time To give it your fucking attention! When you invited me to your orgy, I figured “Okay, what the hell?” The group was all super attractive, And I’d had a bit of a dry spell, I should have suspected that something was off, Or at least all was not as should be, After several embraces, I found several faces All peering down at me “I hope that you’re not too allergic, That’s the pillow where my cat sleeps.” “Let me now tell you all about Jesus, You must know that he loves you heaps!” “Lay back and try to get comfortable now, I’m sensing some hesitation… But you’ll want to get the best angle For my Powerpoint presentatioooooon~!” So if you’re taking somebody home, Or to your hotel bed, Consider your thoughts oh-so-carefully, And beware of what is said, Do not break some new information While you’re basking in the glow, Don’t criticize, or proselytize, Or tell them about your shoooow~! We’re not saying ‘withhold information’, Just tell them before you both screw, There’s too many chemicals after sex, To agree with or say no to you, If you haven’t told them about it before now, As we may have already mentioned, Pillowtalk’s not the appropriate time To give it your fucking attention! No, Pillowtalk’s not the appropriate time To give it your fucking attention!
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On this long road trip we’ve gone, Headed down to Dragon Con, Fucking hell, we had to drive six hundred miles Six hundred miles, six hundred miles Six hundred miles, six hundred miles Fucking hell, we had to drive six hundred miles High-priced hotels, huge dealer halls Four summer days, it’s hot as balls, Not cheap to be six hundred miles away from home Away from home, away from home, Away from home, away from home Not cheap to be six hundred miles away from home [Instrumental] Cosplay sweat-stuck to our backs Pail of rum punch to relax, Shit, we can’t get to the hotel through the parade Through the parade, through the parade, Through the parade, through the parade, Shit, we can’t get to the hotel through the parade On this long road trip we’ve gone, Forth and back from Dragon Con, Holy fuck, we have to drive twelve hundred miles Twelve hundred miles, twelve hundred miles Twelve hundred miles, twelve hundred miles Holy fuck, we have to drive twelve hundred miles Fucking hell, we have to drive twelve hundred miles ...But you assholes are worth all...twelve hundred miles…
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Stop for pictures at the top of the stairs, Try to lick all of the vendor wares Rush a panel room when you’re told to wait, Tell a Xenomorph you wanna procreate Chorus: Dumb ways to con, So many dumb ways to con, Dumb ways to co-o-on, So many dumb ways to con Keep a Tribble as a pet, Sell a vial of Chris Evans’ sweat, Enter the Pokemon tourny with all bidoof, Do a barrel roll off the hotel roof Chorus Challenge a Wookiee to a fight, Smoke a cigarette and set your wig alight Go to the LARP with a sharpened sword Throw some chimichangas at a Deadpool horde Chorus Yell spoilers at the Game of Thrones shoot, Tell an Alucard his Carmen Sandiego’s cute, Go to the rave when you’re feeling faint Hug somebody while in unsealed body paint Chorus Agree to a group skit without committing… Watch all of Evangelion in one sitting... Go all weekend without taking a shower, Chug energy drinks and just live in the game room Blow your money on swag and forget food’s important, They may not rhyme but they’re quite possibly The dumbest ways to con, The dumbest ways to con, Dumb ways to con-o-oooooonnn… So many dumb So many dumb ways to con….
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They say I’m a Man-Hater, Away, boys, away! That I think like a dictator So it’s Mansplain Man Mansplain Man, Oh Mansplain Man. They think that they know better And it’s Mansplain Man. Feminazi’s what they call me Away, boys, away! That my goals are not equality So it’s Mansplain Man They call me Nasty Woman, Away, boys, away! Say I’m barely even Human So it’s Mansplain Man Mansplain Man, Oh Mansplain Man. They think that they know better And it’s Mansplain Man. "Fake Geek Girls," they do mention Away, boys, away! Say it’s all a cry for attention So it’s Mansplain Man They say I’m a host for their baby Away, boys, away! I should just close my legs maybe So it’s Mansplain Man Mansplain Man, Oh Mansplain Man. They think that they know better And it’s Mansplain Man. They say I’m a special snowflake Away, boys, away! But I make them shiver and shake So it’s Mansplain Man I’m a Social Justice Warrior Away, boys, away! And the battle’s getting Gorier So it’s Mansplain Man Mansplain Man, Oh Mansplain Man. They think that they know better And it’s Mansplain Man. Explain that I should quit Away, boys, away! And I’ll tell you where to shove it So it’s Mansplain Man Mansplain man, Oh Mansplain man. She’s got a doctorate in this topic, And it’s Man-splain man Mansplain man, Oh Mansplain man. I LITERALLY just said that, And it’s Mansplain man Mansplain man, Oh Mansplain man. I WRITE THE GODDAMN BLOG YOU REFERENCED And it's Mansplain man… Mansplain man, Oh Man-splain man. This is why you never read the comments Cuz it’s Mansplain man
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Well a working lass am I, and I am telling you no lie, I work and sleep among the docks, where the laddies come to buy. There's dirt and dust around me, and the sea spray fills the air, There's a lousy smell that smacks of hell, and white stuff in me hair. Chorus And it's blow, girls, blow, No time to take a break And every day you're in this place the more you start to ache But you blow Well I've slept with saints and sinners and most every type of bloke The tall, the small, "Not there at all," and some who made me choke. Spend all my time down on me knees till my thighs start to burn, I like it rough, I've done enough to make your stomachs turn! Chorus Well, there's overtime and bonus opportunities galore The young men have their money and they all come back for more But soon you're knocking on and you're tired and you're sore For every bob you give a job, there's five knocking on your door Chorus Well a working lass am I and I'm telling you no lie, I work and sleep among the docks, where the laddies come to buy. There's dirt and dust around me, and the sea spray fills the air, There's a lousy smell that smacks of hell, and white stuff in me hair. Chorus x2
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I asked my mom how I / could be the best I am She said if you do just one thing, you surely won't be damned Well, then I asked "what is it?" / And she answered so demure: "Just keep your knees together, love, / and always you'll be pure." We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share My fingers they still fit between, no need for an affair When she said "be pure," / I asked her what she meant Did she mean pure of heart, or mind, / or always pay your rent? But no, she said, none of that / matters in the slight Keep penises away from you, / and then you'll be all right We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share My mouth and tongue they still could pleasure all the ladies fair And though I had some friends / abstaining happily So many of us sat around, / confused as we could be A cock is such a tiny thing / to have so much control Over our worth as people / and our demarcated role We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share I never had an interest in activities down there So those of us who wanted more / decided to uprise Deciding for ourselves / exactly what went 'tween our thighs We are the revolution, / a movement going strong Of folks who are defined by more / than someone's else dong We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share They still can bend me over and then / claim my derriere Abstaining is an option, but it's not the only one If / you play with someone else's bits / your worth is not undone If anybody tells you / you're a slut or you're a whore Say "Yes I am" quite proudly and then / show that fuck the door!
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I’ll tell you of my Granny dear, all warm and sweet and fair With sparkling eyes like diamonds, and silv’ry locks of hair But underneath her sweetness, she hid a vixen’s heart And so it was, from time to time, her wisdom she’d impart When I was but a little girl, my granny came to me She taught me ‘bout the spot between my stomach and my knee She told me where to touch and said to practice every night 'Cuz no man on earth would ever take the time to do it right! Our Granny was so nice, she knew just what to do She gave us good advice ‘bout the man in her canoe By the time that I was eight I knew just how to masturbate She’s our Granny, we’ll always love her so Now cleanin’ was a chore that seemed to always take all day I rushed to finish up the job and rub the dust away While wiping down some bottles, my Granny gave a sigh, Said, “If you stroke your man like that, you’ll get it in your eye.” Our Granny was so nice, knew how to do the job She gave us good advice, loved to polish up that knob She said, “Lass, just scrub it in, because it’s lovely for your skin.” She’s our Granny, and we’ll always love her so. To say I was a chatterbox would only be too kind The talkin’ caused the boys to run and leave me far behind, But Granny told me, “Dearest girl, men find you such a bore, Cuz talkin’ isn’t what you should be usin’ your mouth for.” Our Granny was so nice, that woman was a tease, She gave us good advice, bent down right down on her knees. “My reputation’s growin’ from the men that I’ve been blowin’” She’s our Granny, and we’ll always love her so. The evenin’ of my wedding day, I ran up with surprise When my husband dropped his trousers and showed his ample size I went and told my Granny dear just why I had to run “Get out’ the way, my dear,” she said, “I’ll show ya how it’s done.” Our Granny is so nice, she’s the woman we adore, She gave us good advice, but my god, she’s such a whore! Her husbands often left ‘cause Granny screwed ‘em half to death. But she’s our Granny, and we’ll always love her so. And then there came the day when Granny fell so deathly ill, She pulled us very close, her final wisdom to instill And with what was her final breath, she whispered with a groan... “To keep your sweet and true, give him another hole to bone.” (Spoken) That costs extra. (Spoken) But not with me! Our Granny was so nice, she’d teach old dogs new tricks, She gave us good advice, such as where to hide their sticks Our Granny never ‘waried about whether folks got married She’s our Granny, and we’ll always love her so. Yes, She’s our Granny, and we’ll always love her so.
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Chorus: Merrily, merrily So merry are we Let's do together what comes naturally We've got lots of fun positions to try And don't be afraid to let your freak flag fly! Well, A is for Anal, let's start from behind While B is for Ben-wah, my kegels to mind C for Clitoris, you mustn't neglect While D is for Dildo to help ya get wrecked! E is for Eyesight, so fun to blindfold F is for Flogger, now do as you're told! G's for the G-spot, not that hard to find While H is for Head, if you'd be so kind! [Chorus] I is for Intercourse, hope ya don't lack J's for the junk in the front or the back K is for Kinky, there's all kinds to choose While L is for Lube, which you always must use! M is for Masturbate, learn to self-please N is for Nipples, to pinch and to squeeze O is for Orgasm, oh-oh-good Lord! P's for the Prostate, so often ignored! [Chorus] Q are for Quickies, fun once in awhile R is for rope tied in Shibari-style S is for Stroker to pleasure your cock T is for Tens Unit, to give a shock! U is for Undies in satin or lace, V for Vibration - it isn't a race W for Wand to use on your crotch X is the rating on the films that I watch! [Chorus] Y is for Yearning your lover creates Z for their Zeal - your hunger it sates... Z's also for Zipper, try not to get stuck And now I have sung you some new ways to fuck! [Chorus x2]
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Well my father thinks you're nifty, And you’ve heard of Bodelaire, And we both agree that human rights abuses are unfair You understand your feelings And you're not afraid to share, And I think I could do something with your hair... You smell nice, And you're groovy, And we both like nerdy movies... My mother says you have that touch of class. I can see a shining future where we'll dialogue and nurture, But there's just one thing I feel I need to ask.... Do you take it up the ass? Do you take it up the ass? When it comes to brains, you've got 'em But unless you play the bottom, I don’t think you and me are gonna last Do you take it up the ass? Do you take it up the ass? I’m not really one for begging So unless you’re into pegging Afraid I'm gonna have to take a pass 'Cause you're adorable, reliable, But is your anus pliable? That's the information that we need. Would you do it if you loved me? If you're nervous, squat above me You'll be able to control the depth and speeeeeeed..... Do you take it up the ass? Do you take it up the ass? Ooooooooh.... Do you take it up the ass.......?
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We used to sail to the Shire, that's where we put ashore, We used to sail to the Shire, we did but we don't anymore! A lad there wanted tobacco, we had some of that on board, Longbottom he wanted, my bottom he got! That's why we don't sail there no more! (Smoke MY pipe, Mr. Frodo?) We used to sail to Gallifrey, that's where we put ashore, We used to sail to Gallifrey, we did but we don't anymore, A lady asked us for Time Lords, we had some of those on board, A Time Lord she wanted, doctor we played That's why we don't sail there no more! (Ooo, moisturize ME, Doctor!) We used to sail to Lannisport, that's where we put ashore We used to sail to Lannisport, we did but we don't anymore A lass there wanted a Lannister, we had some of that on board Jamie she wanted, his hand she got! That's why we don't sail there no more! (A Lannister always pays his debts) We used to sail to Ry'leh, that's where we put ashore, We uses to sail to Ry'leh, we did but we don't anymore! A lass there wanted an Elder Thing, we had some of those on board. Cthulu, she wanted, a Deep One she got! That's why we don't sail there no more! (Ooo, tentacles!) We used to sail to Ponyville, that's where we put ashore, We used to sail to Ponyville, we did but we don't anymore, A lass there wanted some friendship, we had some of that on board, Friendship she wanted, magic she got! That's why we don't sail there no more! (The magic is the benefits!) We used to sail to Agrabah, that’s where we put ashore, We used to sail to Agrabah, we did but we don't anymore! A princess wanted her freedom, we had some of those on board, Whole new world she wanted, her carpet I rode! That's why we don't sail there no more! (Genie, noo!) We used to sail to Hyrule, that's where we put ashore We used to sail to Hyrule, we did but we don't anymore A princess wanted a relic, we had some of those on board, The Triforce she wanted, a threesome she got! That's why we don't sail there no more! (It's dangerous to go alone. Take me!) We used to sail to Asgard, that’s where we put ashore, We used to sail to Asgard, we did but we don’t anymore! A lass there wanted a demi god, we had some of those on board, Loki she wanted, Thor's hammer she got! That’s why we don’t sail there no more! (The hammer was his penis!) We used to sail to the Labyrinth, that's where we put ashore, We used to sail to the Labyrinth, we did but we don't anymore, A king there wanted a goblin, we had some of that on board, A baby he needed, we tried all night! That's why we don't sail there no more! (It isn't fair!) (Juggling balls...) We sailed to Mushroom Kingdom, that's where we put ashore (WHY?) We sailed to Mushroom Kingdom, we did but we don't anymore A princess wanted some plumbers, we had some of those on board Plumbers, she wanted, I warped her pipe! That's why we don't sail there no more! (My CHILDHOOD.) (Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches...) We used to sail with Starfleet before we put ashore We used to sail with Starfleet, we did but we don’t anymore Saber wanted an officer, They had some of those on board The Captain she wanted, his log she got! That’s why we don’t sail there no more! (Set warp drive for maximum thrust!) We used to sail to Sunnydale, that’s where we put ashore, We used to sail to Sunnydale, we did but we don't anymore A vampire wanted a Slayer, we had some of those on board, Buffy he wanted, Mr. Pointy he got! That's why we don't sail there anymore! (Mr. Pointy was her strap-on!) We used to be the Maidens, we sailed to many shores, We used to be the Maidens, we were but we're not anymore. Our fans all wanted some music, we had some of that on board... But don't worry, our music isn't going anywhere. You'll still find it online, We have great things going on, such as... Rouge: Gaming for charity! Lucky: Writing books! Saber: Porn and adult services! Flint: VTubing! That's why we won't sail here no more!

about

Recorded live at Jammin' Java in Vienna, Virginia June 30, 2023

credits

released October 6, 2023

The Misbehavin' Maidens are:
Caroline Boulden as Saber Tompson
Jennifer Burrell as Madam Rouge O'Malley
Erin Hamilton as Flint Locke
Enfys Book as "Lucky" Annie LeBlanc

Album cover design by Enfys Book
Album cover photo by Heather Stackhouse
Logo design by Tracy Rebelo

Recorded at Jammin' Java in Vienna, VA
Mixed and mastered by Asparagus Media Studios, Takoma Park, MD

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Misbehavin' Maidens Silver Spring, Maryland

"Funny, filthy, feminist, fandom folk" band comprised of four folks from the Washington, DC / Baltimore area with a love of sex-positive music, parodies, drinking & fandom references for 18+ geeks.

As of July 2023 we are no longer performing, but our music lives on.
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